For now, I think you need to take whichever steps will provide you the most security financially and emotionally.
In my sitch, if we did not have children, I believe I would be much more inclined to take a firmer position.
For your sanity, can you make peace with D being most likely an inevitability? Get there and stay there for a while before taking action. Try to detach and look at him in stark light (even in your mind)...
The only peace I have had was when I faced that fear head on, really sat in the space of being divorced...and then, I could sleep and breathe and open my eyes fully to everything else in my life.
You know I am still struggling. I have kids crying wanting to know why their dad doesn't want to live here. I see him almost every day and it is just a constant energy sucker. For you, you have the physical space to better control your emotional state.
You do not have to give up, you just have to go to the belly of the beast (D) and if you can be ok there, life is much more manageable. Does that make sense?
