I want to know why he doesn't ever talk about divorce. He has never told me he wants a divorce...but he obviously left me. I want to know if he really just needs time to figure out what he wants and if so HOW MUCH!!!!?? If he would just say those things I wouldn't have to wonder so much. I also want to know why he left me so abruptly and what his intentions are. I do realize that all of this is impatience talking, I guess I am just feeling nervous about the ML thing and that if I cut him off we will lose even that connection. But I know I can't let him cake eat. It just seems like he was opening up to the idea of spending more time with me...and being intimate. Being TOGETHER feels so good...but him leaving again and again feels SO bad. I feel like I am gaining my footing in some aspects. I keep reminding myself that everytime I feel like this is the worst turn of events, something surprises me and picks me back up and I can feel positive again. The things that I feel have changed inside me so far are that I am no longer feeling as desperate. My sense of humor is back...I am laughing more. I am beginning to imagine my life without him more often. I am starting to believe what I know in my heart and what the real truth about this situation is and that is that if my H REALLY loses me one day, it is the biggest mistake he will make in this life. I know I have my faults...as we all do... I have alot going for me though and I take IMMENSE pride in the fact that I can literally and honestly say that there is not ONE person on this earth who would tell H that he should leave me. I know people will tell him that he should do what he needs to do to be happy...but the fact that not one person in our lives can or would have a reason to say "oh yeah...he should have left that b!@#$ a long time ago!" I feel that this site and everyone here has given me confidence in that especially when I read things like the advice to "be a woman only a fool would leave". I remember that and think about it everday. Venting tonight...
Being TOGETHER feels so good...but him leaving again and again feels SO bad.
I get it.
My H has so many people convinced that he was miserable because of me...sad. I think most of his friends are very encouraging of him doing what he needs to do to be happy. Thing is, when all of the flash is gone, he doesn't seem so happy...
Back to you, there is a book called "Crazy Time" and it is about separation and divorce. Not recommending the book, just making a point. This is just craziness.
Have you considered counseling? I think your H can't give you definitive answers. I don't think he knows. But, maybe counseling would help.
Wow..the text convo H and I just had back and forth is interesting given that I was just wanting some answers. I am TOTALLY spinning...emotional...and I don't know what else I am feeling and whether it is good or bad. Here's what literally just went down.
I texted H to tell him about the D6 thing in the morning since he didn't hear me over the phone earlier. He texted back saying he doesn't know if he can get outta work since it is so early in the morning and that he was upset about it. I told him I would take alot of pics. Then he texts "ok but still sad. how are you feeling?"
Me: "i guess you just felt so good today (whoa!) and it made me very emotional...it was weird. I am ok now."
H: "Ok...you still make me feel loved and I like that, there is nobody else...I'm just f*ed up and I'm sorry, I wish i wasn't. You don't deserve it you're amazing. thanks for being so good...u r the best Momma ever, and an amazing lover. I wish I knew..."
Me:"Thank you...you are loved. Just know that I am here for you when you are ready and need/want to talk."
H:"Thank you baby."
Then he told me he was crying. I said me too. He said again that he was f*ed up and I said why? he said because he left our family and he was sorry. I told him I forgave him already. I said no matter what I know in my heart we will be ok...time will tell and that everything is happening to us for a reason. He said thank you and I said goodnight.
I don't know what to think...I wanted to just tell him to come home then!! I hope I said the right things...I hope this means he is thinking about it. And now that I asked for answers and got something...I am still confused and obviously so is H. I think he needs more time, and I do too I suppose. This feels interesting in that I should be happy but don't want to. I worry he is getting closure. Man, AK I am stealing your term...this is ONE BIG mindf***!
[quote]My H has so many people convinced that he was miserable because of me...sad. Have you considered counseling? I think your H can't give you definitive answers. I don't think he knows. But, maybe counseling would help.
I think that most people have to know that this is still his fault and he is the lost soul. Whether they tell him so or not.
I was seeing a counselor in the beginning, the one H and I went to together and then I continued to go to alone. I need to call him because it has been a few weeks since I have gone. I got to the point where I just didn't think he was helping me...that he would be better off talking to H, who won't go. I will go back soon because I could update him on the latest and get his take. But as far as me...this board is more up my alley and theraputic!!!
BTW, are you ever worried someone you know will find you here? I just thought of that for some reason...
Yes, and I cringe every time I write details...now that you said it (I already had a whole inner debate about it on my last thread), I'm going to be more conscious and take it as a sign.
Oh, and the good news is that I am usually extremely adept at advising other people...you know how it is.
About the MC...didn't mean to avoid that but we tried going and he quit. The MC calls him from time to time and he never calls back. I don't think he would go.
