Ok, apparently I suck at this because it all came unwound today. I went out for a motorcycle ride this morning and texted her when I was having bfast and said that if she needed to get anything from the house please do it while I was away. I also said I wanted to discuss our living arrangements later tonight and asked if she would be available later. She texted back "OK, please ride safe".
2 hours later I pull up to our house and there are 4 people (all family) carting boxes out of the house. I find her and ask what she is doing and she says moving out (into D's house). I ask why and she says "that's what I thought your text message meant" I said, NO, No, I only meant that I had switched bedrooms between us and I did not want her to move out; that was never my intention (mind reading and projecting are 2 of her key issues; she "knows" what I'm going to do or say and acts accordingly, often with these types of issues). She says she needs to be away from me, that my behavior the last 2 days has convinced her we need to be apart and she needs to be alone again. Same as before, she interpreted 2 emails and a voice mail to fit her views, not reflecting what I actually said or felt. We talk for awhile and I say she is just running away again, just like every other relationship she has ever had; when things get difficult she builds a wall, separates and then finds a reason to leave. She agrees and says "that's my way of protecting myself". She says she thinks the changes I have made these past 5 weeks are amazing but that I'll never get past the affair and she just wants to move on, be apart for awhile. I point out that she created half of the problems that she finds so difficult now to deal with, and she agrees, but doesn't think it's worth trying to save.
I ended up just saying fine, go if you have to, I'm still going to the MC on Thursday and she should show up only if she wants to. I send her an email later stating that I am committed to saving the marriage but she needs to step up and participate if that's going to happen. I also tell her that I realize this is what she has been trying to do for months now (leave me) but didn't have the will or courage to just do it so she used my text as justification for the departure. I said, that's fine, so what you need to do and that I will not contact her again to discuss marital issues; the next move is hers.
So, here we are. I thought I made a lot of good moves this weekend and that things would start to swing my way with the OM out of the picture and her deleting the secret email accounts. It went totally another direction and I don't know what to do now. I'm still GALing, need to do better with the 180's apparently and I clearly need to get back into DR again. I'm lost, there seems like there is no hope; she's too damaged from her past and our recent issues and she only knows how to cut and run. I don't know how to reach her anymore. Please help me turn this boat around (if possible). Mike
