H IS Coming in 2 weeks and we did just have a great 3 week trip to Europe to "retrieve" our d20. They will have adjustments to make as h must repair his r with her some more. But I feel pretty good otherwise. Nervous in a way but we spent last year in Alaska together with d11 and just came back to the lower 48 when mil AND my sister's h became terminally ill. BIL died in Sept, grandma died in August, and a 3rd unexpected death also happened. BUT H has spent most of the past 8-9 months with his mother due to her cancer. Now it's time for his brother to take that over as "We" have done our part and when she gets closer to the end, which will happen this calendar year, we are told, then h can attend to her of course.
I feel our M is restored and we are reconciled and "together" in all senses of the word. But he does have some other work to do as you know. With the kids. AND yes there will be adjustments to be sure. I expect some very rought patches as he gets to know these d's of ours better and sees what he missed and how he does NOT know them as he should and wants to. (I have a db coaching session this week and will have another one before h gets here)
AND I will set up an appt with a c, for me and H at least once. Also for d20 (and h with her IF she and he both want that), which I suspect he will want but can'ts speak for d20.
He wants "back into the family in full" and I feel for him. He knows he has missed out and looks like the proverbial "jerk dad".... On his own he says he'll go to an acting workshop b/c he wants to understand what we are all talking about when we discuss acting/theater. (S23 and d20 and I all do theater & film and AND s23 and d20 are making it their full time careers) so for h to get out of his comfort zone so much is a big deal. (H is an MD, so this is NOT what he does for fun...at least not yet).
It's touching really. (Watch him turn out to be way better than all of us and get work!! WTH? You never know...) I am CHOOSING to be positive about this, without being blind to the warning signs and risks, if you kwim.
I want to post "div busted" but will wait at least 3-6 months before doing so just to be careful. Nothing worse than seeing someone say "D-B!!" only to have them back on the boards a year later.
FaithfulH, and Brandnewday are still doing well but we all had this talk about "piecing VS reconciling". We realized we are using the terms SO carefully, and not realizing that to 99% of the people on these boards, we are "done"...but we know better. We are grateful that DBing helped save our M's...but we'll never say never.
We are never "done", with or without our spouses....make sense?
(( j ))
PS THANKS FOR ASKING...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
