I am so glad you are talking to a DB coach b/c of your stitch being unique. I've heard they are very good!
My sister and I were not close in age, but when she was going though a lot of her trouble teen years and then later going through a toubled M......I had her come stay with us and I devoted all my spare time and energy into "her". It embarrases me now to remember how I practically ignored my own children in order to meet her attention needs. I let my H's needs go so I could spend all my time with her. She was the type that would just soak up all the energy and attention that was given her. I wished my H would have pointed out to me what I was doing to him and the kids, but he never said a word. I suppose the point I'm making is that she was not my twin and yet I become too emotionally involved in her life and thought I could fix what was broken for her. Of course, I couldn't and I was not mature enough to know that. I thought I could "counsel" her and show her support and try to give her some of my stength......but it did not work. I got very upset with her b/c she would not do what I thought she should. Finally, our dad pointed out to me that in my own way, I was trying to control her life. I was shocked beyond belief! I only wanted to "help" her and keep her from hurting and from making terrible mistakes in life. Guess what? It didn't work. All my long talks and "support" of her did nothing to change the decisions she made. I felt all that time had been wasted. So, finally I was able to turn lose and give my attention where it was truly needed, which was my H and children. I had to learn that whatever happen to her.....I could not prevent. I could not protect her b/c she was an adult and had to live her own life and go through her own problems and pain. It was tough!!
So, the same with your W, I think. Especially with twins, they want to share, protect, prevent hurt.....all of it. Your W feels she must be there is why she said she "has no choice". Maybe her twin has caused her to feel even more pressured to stay. It is all codependent and not healthy. I hope that the DB coach will have advice for you. Maybe he/she won't know what to do about the twins.....b/c there isn't a lot you can do about them, just as I couldn't do for my sister. However, you can find out what to do about the MR and how to respond to your W.
I'm still here whether anybody else is or not! Have you gone to other people's threads and posted to them? That helps to build up a support system.
Talk to you later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
