Cat, as parents, it is always difficult to watch what all our children are going through. It's hard to read what other's have experienced. It's difficult for us all, but we learn, grow and begin to understand the larger picture. We are given new dimensions through our struggles.
Dick and S had a blow last year, Dick actually threatened to kill S. Although I spoke out, told my attorney at the time, pleaded for help, but my words fell on deaf ears, those people who are put in place to protect us, are blinded by Dick's ability to play the victim, to manipulate the truth, and to appear to be the normal, caring parent, while projecting his insanity upon me and my life.
No matter what happens, Dick won't send the kids back. Right now he feels he has control, and he will not relinquish this control for anything, for this control represents life itself to him, it means he is justified in anything he does.
The reason he wants the kids, is to fill the voids in his life. He can not ever be alone. Why? Because of who he actually is. His guilt, now displayed as anger and vengence, looses it's mask while he sits alone, and he can't deal with what he has done, he can't live with the truth of who he is.
Jane takes Wednesday nights off, Dick has Friday, Saturday and Sundays off, leaving Dick alone in this great big house with is Father. His Father, lost in the world of alzheimers sets as a reminder of not only his past, but also who he quite possibly will become. His Mother passed in 2002, so there's no way of Dick making peace with his past, his childhood, there is no way he'll receive the acknowledgement he needs in order to heal his broken soul. Therefore, he requires the children there with him to fill the voids in his life, so his own reality can't haunt him. In his own way, he is fighting for survival, although in a disturbed, mentally unhealthy way, he will use everything within his control to survive, and it doesn't matter who he destroys in the process.... for he doesn't love his children in a normal parent's way, they are just substitutes, replacing everything he is lacking within.
Is this neglect, oh, most certainly, however, like I said before, those who are supposed to protect the children and I are the ones who allow Dick to reign supreme. This man even received sympathy from the Judge for his injuries due to his own DUI.... I guess it's why Kansas in the shape that is in, the reason it makes the news in the manner it does, and why so many people leave the state as they do. I'd be gone myself, but right now, there is a court order for me to live in the school district in order to see my own children. Keep in mind, Dick lives in California, and for the past 6 months, my children didn't even live within the district boundaries... now, tell me this makes any logic at all.
Yes, Snodderly, I too believe my S should be paid for taking care of his Grandfather, and the house too. But Dick places no value on the work other's do. Housework is meaningless, unless it's me not keeping my house perfect.
As for Jane, it was rather apparent while the kids were there during Spring break, she was having an affair... however, when the children returned in May, it was drilled into their heads that she was simply volunteering and that was all! She's in love with that house, and living in California, for she has discovered or believes her past didn't follow her to California. So, she is free of the restraints of her history, of being the barmaid who slept with any man who would pay her any attention, who love to steal time with married men. She's 20 years Dick's junior, and probably needs or desires more attention than he is willing to pay her... she's a needy one, like many of the other's who involve themselves with married people. My situation isn't really all that different than most of the stories here, it's just that it won't end.... but even in Dick's psychological evaluation, it's states he is abnormally connected to me. Don't I just have all the luck? LOL!
As for my health concerns, my physician believes it is Rhuematoid Arthritis, as all the tests point in that direction. She has sent my case to the appointment desk, where they set up an appointment with a Ruematologist. When talking to the appointment desk, it seems the Ruematologist requires the patient's history and labs to review prior to setting an appointment. I just haven't heard back about the appointment date as of yet.
There's a lot of good treatment out there for me, as the RA can be put into remmission, as I can live a fairly normal life after treatment has started. This diagnosis wasn't really unexpected, with a family history like mine, along with the years of stress I've been under since this all began. I do believe it has been the stress that has brought my situation to the point it has. I need to regroup, and put my life in a better place. I'm working on it, it's just taking me more time than I like.
Take care of you...
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
