Living, Loving, & Learning one day at a time

[Treese]

YR...

I've been doing so well lately but these past couple of days I could feel myself getting down...I have been doing a good job of getting a life but when you come home and it's all quiet...it all hits all over again...I'm really depressed...been crying....the whole nine yards...will I ever get past it all? Geez....he's not coming home...I need to get that through my hard head...it totally sucks...I think because I'm totally exhausted...I'm trying to do and be everything for everyone else..I never take time for me really...and my son said the other day when I was going to meet a friend for dinner...he said, "mom you always go out with your friends"...OMG....I NEVER go out....I have always been here with my kids, being the mom...I felt sooooo bad...see, all he sees is what I'm doing...he has no idea that his dad is living the life and going out all the time...
I feel my health being affected now...the crying isnt good, just drains me more but I can't hold it inside anymore...I'm trying to do all the right things...

Ya know, My H said I'm damaging my kids basically by being honest with them when he is the one who told my D17 that he and I were only married on paper and that his love child is here because the pill failed...WTF? Warned her that the pill is not 100%...ok, so I'm the one damaging my kids...what do you think she's going to remember....HHuuuhhhhhh....

The only reason H comes around every few weeks is to get his son for the night...nothing here interests him anymore...he doesnt even really speak or say goodbye...he just disappears into the night....

I'm not perfect by any means but I do love my family and I have alot of love to give yet...I hope I'm able to open myself up to that love again...or I will be the one grow old lonely...H will be right...he will be the happy one...cause he was able to move on...I'm stuck...In limboland....