need someone 2 talk 2

[idkwt2do]

m 15 years ihave 4 kids here is my story. 5years ago my w told me she had a affair a month later she told me she had been abused as a child and that it was rape not a affair that she was just looking 4 a friend. she tryed 2 make things work between us but i couldnt let go of what happened. it made me a person that i didnt even like i was full of hate and vary unhappy.everyone would tell me i had to forgive the guy that raped my wife. how do u do that? it made me mad that my w went looking for a friend.it made my life a living hell my w got sick of talking about it with me.this made things even worst i felt like i had no one to talk to or that even cared.then about a year ago someone did start to listen to me a girl at work which lead to a 2 week affair.after that i had new worries which took the focus off the past.but i was already in some bad pattern with my wife.for example when she did something that hurt my feelings or made me mad.i didnt want to talk about or bring up up the pastso i would not say anything some times for days.sometimes this would work but there where alot of times it didnt and the past would be pulled in again.2 months ago she told me she had had enough and that she just didnt love me any more.i started going 2 a counselor thats how i found out about db and things started to get a little better.but i knew i couldnt fix things with my secret so a month ago i told her of my affair.it almost made things beter for a couple weeks.then 2 weeks ago she moved out and filed for d.now im alone and need help im still seeing my counselor and talking to a dbc but it is the time in between i would like some help with