I love my W. PDT, THANK YOU so much. Between her leaving and your constant beating me up along side the head with how codependent i am, i think i've just had an awakening. i am literally on some type of natural high right now. Here's why.
when i got to work tonight i quickly got depressed, after having what i thought was a fairly decent 2.5 days without hearing from my W. Seeing other people with their S or SO, just made me think what i was missing. It's been exactly one week now since she left.
When i got home from work tonight, i gave the living room another coat of paint. I then made myself some coffee and began researching codependency further online, and reading how it starts, where it comes from, and ways to begin to set "boundaries." this whole idea of boundaries was foriegn to me before, at least not in a positive & assertive way. After reading about setting boundaries, i read more on ways to undo codependency and examples of steps to actually take.
Finally, after realizing I AM in control of my happiness, it was like this fog of depression just melted away. I'm actually happy that my W left now, and this is probably the best thing that ever happened to me AND US.
I no longer believe I NEED my W, as i had in the past. I want my W, but now understand i didn't need her to make me happy as I had believed previously. I'm excited about life! This is crazy. I love my W and want her to come home at some point in time. Whether it is tomorrow, next year, or ten years from now. But in the meantime, I am going to do what makes me happy. Here's what i have in store for myself:
Go for more walks - I get to think so much clearer about life, myself, and God when I'm outside with nature, especially at night.
Get my butt back in the gym - I used to compete in powerlifting and actually hosted powerlifting meets for my state. I am getting back into lifting - Strong body = strong mind!
start eating better and improve my cooking skills - i've cooked for myself during single stages of my life, but routinely ate the same thing. i'm buying a cookbook and trying out some crazy stuff - will also help my lifting.
Practice daily affirmations. I found this tonight while researching codependency and i love this idea. i wrote down good qualities about myself and started reciting "I am a good x, y ,z, etc" and felt better almost immediately.
Continue down this road of self improvement and learning. it's a trait i do take pride in, the love of learning, and this sitch gives me even more time to do it.
