I appreciate you chiming in - the more the merrier. It's so hard when I bring up the childhood stuff bc I don't want to make excuses for myself.
Understandable, and a perfectly valid concern. As long as you are being as honest with yourself about this as possible, then you have nothing to worry about...yes?
Originally Posted By: Hopeful in VA
It is VERY hard when you have someone who cannot recognize the issues are within himself.
I agree wholeheartedly. Very hard, frustrating, exasperating, maddening...you name it. But recognize those issues for himself, he must. And as much as we love our spouses and want to help however we feel we can, our "help" is unappreciated by them, and just serves to make the situation worse.
Originally Posted By: Hopeful in VA
I know that this path has to be traveled by him & him alone, but keep wondering if I could ask MC to refer him to IC. Maybe he would go if she told him she thought that was best.
This is the perfect example of what I was speaking about in my last post, and I'm going to call you on it. If the MC feels the need to make that determination based on her professional opinion, she will. If you don't trust her to make the correct call without your coaching, then you need to find a more competant MC.
Have you really detatched...truly?
In your head AND your heart?
This is what I meant. It's so easy to fall down that slippery slope. So easy, in fact, that we don't even recognize we're doing it when it happens.
Ask yourself how you would look to your H if he discovered you were "colluding against him" with your MC. Maybe you don't see it that way, but I'm sure your previous experiences with trying to be logical with your H about ANYTHING will convince you that you will NEVER be able to un-ring that bell!
Not trying to be an @$$ here, but I just want you to be sure what you are dealing with. Most spouses in this type of scenario are looking for ANY excuse (valid or not) to quit the M.
Please don't give him that excuse through actions that could be interpreted by him as controling.
Originally Posted By: Hopeful in VA
Where in VA are you? I'm thinking I need to move out of this state - bad luck for marriages LOL
Dulles Airport is a 10 minute cab ride for me.
Maybe this state isn't such bad luck for marriages. After all, you found this board, right? :-)
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
