I know I am posting a lot here but I don't know where else to go.
It seems to me that whenever W and I get into a sich, she holds a double standard. She will even admit it.
I will give her a few days on this but why is it that anyone I talk to sees that if we want the marriage to work then none of this semantic blockage means anything and it is logical that we both now understand what the affair feels like to the other person.
I forgive her and I always did. I did not go with someone else for revenge, I finally after almost a year felt a hint of giving up but I didn't really give up. I worked so hard and just when I fell apart she decided she wanted to make it work.
I am so angry at her, myself and our terrible life. People are asking me what it is that I want back in the marriage.
It has been so long but I remember when we were a working marriage. even when it was bad and we had a lot of friction, we used to really understand eachother very very deeply but now there is so much pain and geographic distance between us. What can I do but give up and let her be alone? It's like we want to be with eachother but now the only thing keeping us apart is the pain we have caused eachother in the separation.
I don't think there is anything more I can do to save this marriage, it is all on her but she is so weak and gives up on anything that is emotionally difficult. She seems to be saying that the only reason she wanted me back was because I waited for her but now I have betrayed her.
Is there anything more I can do? What could I offer her?
