confused.....want to do something.....

[traveldane]

Hey Orchid,

How ya doing there girl?

One thing I love about this board is that we can give each other the advice and support that we can't always seem to follow ourselves. Regarding a few junk food snacks, a little cry, and feeling low...BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Its ok. Think about all you have accomplished by picking yourself up, moving, dealing with all the BS logistics, meeting new people, keeping up with your daily goals...

Believe me, I know easy it is to start getting down on yourself and be like "Come, get up, get moving, can't let this situation destroy me..". Thats the attitude we have to have, but I think we are entitled times, days, moments, where we can't quite pull it all together or mow through the full to do list. Right now, it takes so much energy just to put one foot in front of the other....I could never have imagined.

I was reading back a few of your posts where you talked about the times when the situation looks very bleak...especially the realization that H. bailed, gave up, he doesn't want me....oh that is just the worst. I remember the realization one day of "It got difficult and he had a choice...continue to deal with difficult because me and the marriage are valuable, or give up. And he gave up. So clearly, me and the marriage were not valuable enough. No one walks away from something that they value.

I do believe that these situations are about our H. having issues that only they can sort out...Its not about us. But at times like this, it sure does feel like it. I take it very personally.

So anyway, here I am back in home city, in process of coordinating the big move north. Staying with friends, had a lovely dinner, but at the end of the day, its the same old thing. This BS has become my reality for far too long. I know that time heals and reveals all, but don't you wish for like, a mini vacation from all the pain? Just even a 24 hour breather where we could be loved, hugged and comforted?

Anyway, hope you get some peace this evening (sorry about the pool party).

take care-