Summer 2009

[Between Tears]

Oh, hey, don't feel sorry, it's just the way things are for the moment. There is a happy ending in this all.... and dam it, it better be worth it.... Just kidding, well, not about the happy ending, for there will be one some day.

Yes, D is my greatest concern. Her "out" at this time is being a lifeguard at the resort. She watches the wildlife, has fresh air in her lungs, and from the sounds of it, takes her away from the situation at the house and relaxes her. She works 32 hours a week, minus her lunch time. When she does talk to me, it's often from the house, as often her stress level is what she is venting at the time. Just wish she'd stop taking it out on herself....

S is using humor to muddle through, and somewhat seeking revenge... God, he's my child in so many ways.....

Dick now hates animals, won't allow them in the house. So, S is combing Craig's list for free pets and supplies. He's planning to start with birds, a hampster or two, then to really get on their nerves, a snake or mice or both. When S reads about the different animals, he calls me to talk about the different scenarios each animal may create. We laugh and joke about what he thinks up, and now it seems he plans of making it happen this coming week while Dick is in Tennesee.

Dick won't give S any money since D has been able to find a job. I've been sending S money via an account that Dick once set up, but has forgotten about... see where he gets it from? For Dick will leave him a vehicle, but it will only have enough gas to make it to the local gas station... Now, S takes the car, gets just enough gas to make it out to where he's going and back, so the car is just as empty as it was when Dick left the house. He's my child, I can't deny it.

S has anger, and I believe he's saving up for the day Dick goes off on him. I know down deep he sees the day when they both go to blows. S won't talk about it, but I can feel it. S knows I wouldn't approve of any sort of physical altercation, but I do know it's a possibility.

As for Dick and his ways, he's only has control for a little bit longer. Once both children are 18, there is nothing further he can do, as he will reap what he has sewn. He can blame me for ruining his relationship with all of his children, all he wants, but there will be nothing he will be able to do about it.

Jane, his wife, has been working full time during the day, then volunteering during the night until past 10pm. For someone who slept all the time prior to this, I often wonder how in the world she is keeping up with her own schedule. Dick has asked her to cut her hours down and spend more time at home, according to both kids, yet she refuses to do so. S tells me when Dick is not home, she's on the phone talking with someone, always behind closed doors. He believes this her way of coping with Dick, for when she is home, he treats her like garbage, as it seems they often fight about the money she is spending, his money of course.

I'm so glad I don't have to deal with Dick directly. As I see how miserable he truly is, and in an odd way, understand why he seeks the control he does. So, even on the days I feel the worst about all that is happened, I feel grateful for what I do have in my life. The bond I have with the children is unbreakable, nothing Dick nor the courts can do to dissolve what we have.


Now, if anyone has an idea or knows how to help me improve my situation, that would be of great use to me. There's some organization out there that will intercede for the children, and give them a voice that will be heard. It's just that I haven't found it yet. Both children want to come home to finish their high school years, as they are both old enough to make this decision based the fact they are 16 and 17. Their hands are tied, as are mine in this farce they call a court in this county, however, there must be a way I can have this court's decision overruled. If you have any ideas, please let me know.
Thanks!

Take care!