I get the story. I am enabling her to keep on acting the way she is. I let her do what she wants and then I reward her by being there for her for whatever she needs or wants which just further enables her to treat me this way.
Exactly right. So, why do you keep doing the same thing and thinking you will yield a different result?
I did pick her up and take her and D7 from the store to the house and I helped her make stuff so she could take it to her best friends house for the afternoon since she was hurting from a pinched nerve. MIL brought D11 to the house and I stayed in while she dropped her off.
Again, you are the whipping boy (in this case the taxi driver and cook). Why in the world would you help your W make stuff to take to a friends house when you were not included in the party? Boo hoo she has a pinched nerve. Again, you dont get the perks of a helpful spouse when you are not feeling well when you dont want to be married. But you keep giving them to her. Why didnt she call her mom, a friend, her boyfriend(s) or a taxi for a ride? She didnt because she knows you will always be her errand boy. Honestly, why you would want to help somebody out that has so little respect for you and your time is beyond me.
W's birthday is this week and I stupidly asked if we were going to do anything for her birthday since she had wanted us to do something together for mothers day and she wants to get together for fathers day. She said no for the birthday. She said her and her family and the kids are going out to dinner on Wednesday and then she has a happy hour being thrown for her on Friday. She suggested I take the kids to a balloon festival on Friday night of which she said she would not be joining us even though she likes those because of her birthday happy hour. I said ok. I did buy her a birthday present that she wanted and I am supposed to come over tomorrow for a sea food boil when I pick up the kids to bring them back for the week with me.
Again, your W is making it quite clear that her interest in spending time with you is regulated to family type events that really revolve around the children mothers day, fathers day) and nothing more. Her b-day is hers and clearly she doesnt want you involved in the celebration as it has nothing to do with co-parenting and went as far as to tell you two sets of plans she has that do not include you. How do you respond to that? You buy her a gift. Does that make sense? She even suggested you take the girls somewhere during her b-day happy hour to be sure you wouldnt be around. Buying her a gift is pursuit and it makes you look pathetic.
I'm beginning to think this stuff is more pity for me than her wanting to spend time with me which is not good. And the rest is just using me when she has nobody else to turn to.
Yes, of course it is. When she needs you (rides, cleaning, money, babysitter, chores, errands) she calls you and of course she is nice to you because she needs something! The only time she includes you is when it has to do with the kids. It should be perfectly clear to you by now the only interest she has in you right now is that of being a co-parent.
And I am enabling it. I guess I miss her so much I just make myself willing to jump at it to be with her.
Yes, you are enabling it. Why do you miss somebody that treats you like crap? Why do you miss somebody that runs around with other men? Why do you miss somebody who only calls you when she needs something? You need to find out why you think so little of yourself that you are more than willing to be stomped on and used this way. I am not even sure you miss her, you just dont want to be alone and start your own life.
As far as not having R talks you are right, there is no point because she is not intersted in talking or hearing about the R or how you feel about it. It bugs her and annoys her and shows her how pathetic and needy you are. I am glad you finally grasped that concept.
As far as GAL what you are doing (poker and such) are fillers. They are social activities which are important but they arent helping you build a new Kevin. Building a new Kevin would entail you obtaining the tools to stand on your own, stop being clingy and needy, learn to set and execute personal goals and all the other things we have asked you to try and do for some time now. Jumping at the chance to spend time with somebody who treats you like your W does isnt building a better you now is it? Poker and meetup groups are fun but they wont give you the tools you need to become a strong man.
