"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Spent the rest of the day getting pulled around on a short leash by the Black Dog. ugghh
Got a brief lift at the checkout counter of a specialty market where I stopped in for goodies. Young woman gave me the eye and engaged in extended convo about which chocolates we had tried. Dark, light, spiced, wasabi, hot pepper..mmm... Yeah, it was nothing but I needed the validation.
Friend sent me this by email:
"You said, "Why am I the one who has to continue making the investment in the relationship?"
Answer: Women need to be Wooed... pursued... chased. When we fall in love, it's easy... the motivation is there to pursue, pursue, pursue... you're in a tougher spot because your love is being killed bit by bit, but you still know it's the right thing to do. You want to be pursued. See how messed up this all is? You were rejected and you want a little payback... you want a little "non-rejection." Makes sense, bro. But you're still the guy.
Try this: try telling her what I just told you. Try saying, (in real, audible words), "I'm having a hard time, W, because I'm not happy about not being together. I don't want to be a single dad. I want to spend my life with my wife, raising our family. And I've been rejected, and it hurts. And then to be asked to continue to call and make time for you, it all seems a bit out of whack. My male-brain wants to be "unrejected." But I understand that you need me to call and work at it, and I will. But don't ask me to not be hurt by all of this. It sucks that we're doing things this way.
Try that, man. Or some form of that. Open communication, bro. Don't close up. Don't get into the corner and start feeling sorry for yourself. Keep it open. Don't Give Up."
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Dude, remember? It's okay to beat your head a bit. It's okay to feel how your feeling... in fact, it's good to feel that way. But you can't shut yourself in. The quiet thing, where you go all melancholy, that's normal, but it's not good for relationships, yo. You've got to keep the communication open and moving forward. That's all I'm sayin'.
Then a short reading of Schnarch on self validation and some much needed sleep (no Ambien - I think it's messing me up)
This morning it really seemed to come together with "Friendiness" as described in the thread "How / Why to be friends with WAW" I can be friendly, without getting too dragged into things, and continue to work on my self. It seems to be the Middle Path between going dark and active pursuit. I think I have a new track to run on.
This morning we exchanged a friendness email.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/12/0906:19 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
It's tough. I just feel better when I don't go there, physically or mentally. I can run my own life and be happy but at this point she adds little to it. Only seems to take away.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
D was on a sleepover so S and I spent a calm day together. Great connection time.
I had a terse message or two from W about the pickup/dropoff time. I dropped off S at her house. W and BFF were cleaning out the garage. They found just a few remaining things that were mine. I put them in the trunk and headed off much without much to say. Overall her mood was b*tchy. (ok Robx gets another point for being right).
I wonder if she felt a little dumped on by thinking she had to take care of the garage. I took care of my things on the way out and didn't leave it in bad shape. Nonetheless it's her ball of string now so if she chooses to reorganize the garage then she can do the work. She never (yes, never) offered to help me out there.
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Somehow I didn't think it was supposed to work this way. Overall there's so much peace and calm for me away from that scene. What happens if I don't want to try?
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"Like you keep saying you are being the BEST you, and if the best you is healthier taking a break then take one. You know (Orangedog), you didn’t do this, but you are benefiting from it and your life will be better!"
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I know you're concerned she will continue taking steps towards D hoping that I do something to turn things around. I am too.
I'm a little concerned about my sudden change of mind and feeling of peace and what made it happen. I wonder if I wasn't in a bit of a fog working so hard on the R. Now that there's quiet, I feel there is some bad "mojo" that is slowly revealing itself (perhaps dependency). I knew some of this before but not all. This break is doing something and I need to run with it for now.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
