Summer 2009

[Between Tears]

Okay, so where do I begin? The kids have been in California since May 9, they left the day school got out. School closed early this year because of the lack of funding. If, by some miracle, the kids are able to return, they will start school much later than usual in September.

D, well, her anerexia is in full swing, but since I have absolutely no say in what is going on, I've been told that she just eats healthy, not to worry.... oh, so 2 apples a day and a cup of cereal is healthy? Okay. She runs 3 to 4 miles a day and is a lifeguard at a lake resort nearby. For the last month D has complained her back has been hurting her. Has Dick been concerned.... no, she needs to learn to stretch. Huh? Sure, it could be that, it could also be she hasn't had a pair of new running shoes since the ones I bought her last September. Then again, it could be something serious.... it's not like there isn't any medical insurance on her... but then again, if she goes to the doctor, he'd have to let go of his denial about her weight, because I'm sure the doctor would have a problem with her weighing 100 pounds at 5'7".

As for S, well, he's saddled with the chore of taking care of his Grandfather during the day, keeping the house clean, the yard mowed and making dinner for all. Dick complains he's not getting out there to find a job. Well, Grandpa can't remember he has children.... never mind grandchildren. One day became so irrate to find out D was his granddaughter, he grit his teeth, clenched his fists, and went on and on about D not being his granddaughter. The other day, Grandpa wrote S's name in the Atlas, yes that's Atlas, so he wouldn't forget his name again... never mind remember he's his grandson.

S has vowed that when he turns 18 in November, he's coming home, and if need be, will quit school in order to release himself from any of Dick's control. S hates his father, or at least he says he does, with everything that is within him. Says he'll never see the man again after November 21.

There's another hearing on July 22. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe to finalize everything. Who knows. I'm at the point where I pray to wake up from this mess only to find it's all be a bad nightmare.

I realize Dick's only need to is make me as miserable as he is. Well, he'll never accomplish his goals. I know at some point, I he'll be gone from our lives for good. S only has a few months left, while D has another year to go. She can't even talk to me now, for it she becomes so homesick she stresses out even more. She's numb, living in the moment, waitinig for all of this to end too.

In another week or so, Jane's kids will be joining them. It's their time to feel to have the Brady Bunch reunion, and they parade all the children around and act as if they are the parents they think they are. If anyone was to look, they'd see the children are miserable... but boy, Dick and Jane just glow with pride.

As for me, well, I'm tangled up in waiting, a positive ANA blood test, with high RAs, swollen feet, ankles, knees, elbows, wrists and hands... joints can really be a pain! Oh, my hips and shoulders are the worst, and I've lost a lot of upper body strength lately, I know I look strange while I try to wash my hair, for it seems I can't raise my arms above my head, and need to use the shower wall to hold my arm up to scrub my whole head. Meloxicam, 800mg Ibuprofen and the occasional tramadol help me through a day until I get in with the Rheumatologist. My Doctor is upset with me, she says I should listen to my body more, as she finds my tolerance to pain unbelievable.... or so she says. I don't know any different, it's just the way I am.

It's been a rater temerate summer here.... and with such beautiful weather, I still find it hard to keep working on this house and the yard. I've lost my drive along the way, probably something to do with the kids always being on my mind. I know the exhaustion I feel has a lot to do with what is going on with my body, but I think if I focus on the future, I'd probably find myself with a bit more desire to complete the tasks I have before me.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to as of late. Hopefully you all have some better news to share.

Take care and God Bless you all!