I am going to tell you a real life experience and I want you to respond with what you take away from it.
Several years ago my MIL rescued a dog that was very badly abused which was a wonderful thing to do. My MIL is a dog lover to the extreme and for whatever reason this dog was not afraid of my MIL but very sketchy, skidish and nervous around anybody else. The rescue society suggested that we all give the dog space and basically ignore her when we were at my MIL's house and eventually the dog would be more comfortable and maybe start to come to us.
Fine. We did just that. One day me and my H and my MIL and FIL were in the living room just visiting and the dog was hiding in the kitchen. As instructed, we were ignoring her and just giving her space and all of a sudden she ran out of the kitchen, in to the living room and bit me. Now it wasnt a full blown attack or anything and to this day we cant figure out what triggered this. So, what did my MIL do? She took the dog back in the kitchen, coddled and kissed her and gave her a treat. Essentially she rewarded very bad (and dangerous) behavior to make the dog more comfortable.
A few weeks later we were all at my MIL's house again in the living room. The dog was hanging out in the front hallway. All of a sudden we heard a horrible noise. The dog had jumped through the screen door, ran in the street and bit the leg of a little boy that was riding by on his bike. This time though not only was it a bad bite but the kid was knocked off his bike and scraped up from head to toe.
And once again my MIL brought the dog inside to the kitchen, hugged her, coddled her, loved her and gave her a treat to "calm her down".
In the month following that she bit my MIL's sister, my sister and my MIL's little niece. And each time the dog bit somebody was showered with attention and love and treats by my MIL.
Eventually this became a huge problem. My in laws were lucky they didnt get sued but nobody wanted to come to their house anymore because of this dog. It was just too stressful to be around a dog that was so unbalanced and quite frankly dangerous.
After a while the dog did get some training and stopped biting people but it took TONS of work and dedication. And it had to start with my MIL and her NOT coddling, loving and offering treats to the dog when she did bite. Rewarding bad (dangerous) behavior only enables it even though she loved the dog and wanted the dog to feel safe and happy she learned that going to the extreme to make the dog feel safe/happy was really only making things worse.
It was my MIL that had to change the dynamic or this would have continued. And who wants to be around a dog that will bite and attack out of the blue for no reason? I was actually scared to go to my in-laws house for a while because this dog was so nuts. Once my MIL obtained the training tools to handle this dog and how to rectify her bad behavior things changed and this dog became far more pleasant to be around. Essentially she had to teach the dog that when she was bad (biting, showing teeth, attacking) that she would not get love and attention and treats. And that was not easy for my MIL because she loves this dog so darn much. Eventually though, and it took a long time, the dog improved because she realized that nobody was going to take her abuse (biting).
Do you see anything in this that relates to you and your current situation?
