If you haven't already done so, print the most damning e-mails and save them off-site (maybe with a friend). Or print them to .pdf and e-mail them to yourself at a web-based (like gmail) e-mail account.
Also, begin to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Just do a daily journal; it's therapeutic, you can use it to look back on and see what works and what doesn't, and you can also use it legally if it ever comes to that (and it doesn't have to if you don't want it to).
When you get a moment, please give us some details on your financial arrangement: who-makes-what, what joint funds (and joint credit cards) she has access to, etc. Included in this, can you tell me what things she is spending money on that are enabling her affair: cellphone, make-up, gym membership, lingerie, gifts, etc., and who's been paying for them? I'm going to suggest that you immediately end all financial support that directly enables her adultery.
Puppy
PDT - already secured the emails and the hotel res from Thursday in a secured, private web account. Funny you mentioned the journal, I just picked one up Wednesday to start documenting all the "saving my marriage gems I run across on here". Now it will also be the evidence of the A.
As for financials, I make a good living ($+100k) and she was making ~$55k, plus annual bonuses. We have about $25k in savings and we both have well funded 401K's. We have a joint checking and savings account and we also each have seperate accounts. The majority of our income always went into the joint accounts to pay the bills (and mine still does). We have a Visa and a MC and has already assigned "ownership" as a part of this process so I wasn't surprised when she left me her Visa card (which I cancelled last night) and I have cut up my MC - that's seperate now.
As for spending, she was spending quite a lot on new clothes, nails and shoes in the past few months (now I know why) but also because she has lost about 30 pounds in the past 6 months (now I know why). Since she's lost the job she hasn't spent anything unreasonable and we are living within my means, including her cell bill and all the usual stuff.
As for cutting her off, how can I legally do that since our savings are joint and she has a right to 1/2 of it? I can certainly change my auto deposit on payroll but she'd still have access to some savings.
