Thanks for the support to you both. Here's the deal today...
After the confrontation and the presentation of the facts as I know them she was heading home to get some things and is at her daughters house for at least the weekend. The conversation ended with her confirming that she had been lying to me and the MC all this time, confirmed the person and nature of the relationship (says no PA) and was sorry. Not sorry about the relationship, sorry she got caught and she was hurting me again. I ended this call by saying I will not live in an open relationship so take the weekend to decide but know if it's the OM you need to get out of the house. I stated if that's your choice we'll process the paperwork, divide the funds and assets and I'll be decent but I don't want to be around you. That was step 1.
Next, I called her brother (and my best friend) and left him a vmail with some details and asked if we could get together. I also texted her D and told her what was happening and told her I felt hurt that she would her her mom have an affair (she gave her the "secret" account she was using to carry on). She texted back that she knew nothing about it, was only trying to help her mom, that she loved me and was sorry that was happening. We cleared the air and I now know she was just an innocent enabler.
Then, I called both the cell phone and office phone of the OM and stated in vmail in a calm, clear voice who I was, that I knew about the affair, the hotel rooms, the emails, the calls and texts and that he was interfering in my marriage and our attempts to resolve matters. I said if he sends 1 more email, text, calls her or communicates with her in any way ever again I will contact his wife and his employer with all of the details, I will ensure that the people he works with all knows what kind of man he is - in short, I will destroy your life. He is a well known man in Flagstaff, has a wonderful wife with 3 kids (1 adopted) and a great career that would be ruined if this came to light (for the same reasons my wife was fired - fraternization). I followed this up by responding to an email from her "secret" account that contained pics of him and his kids and stated that I have all the evidence, this pic is just an example, that he should never communicate with my W ever again or I will folow through on my threat. I also told him I pitied him for ruining his own marriage and hurting his kids and wife and I felt pity for he and my W for being such weak, cowardly people.
I then called my W to let her know what I had done (the called and texts) and I intended to let the rest of the family know what had happened. She asked what I had said and I reiterated. She then said that she called the OM immediately after the confrontation and told him I know and that he should never call or contact her again, that she needed to work on her M (not that I really believe this). I again asked for confirmation of the PA, the hotel yesterday, she denied and that went nowhere. I told her that she needed to have a talk with her mother this weekend and come clean with everything (she hasn't told her she lost her job or about the OM) and that any chance for us to talk again starts with her being 100% honest and answering questions. I told her I would not doing anything damaging to her about savings and asked she do the same and she agreed. That was the last time we talked.
I met with my BIL last night and we had a nice talk; he's shocked and disappointed because she knows better having been there. He assured me he'll be there for me regardless of what happens and I know he will.
I came home last night and took down every picture of us in the house, I moved back into the Master BR and moved her stuff into the guest BR. She left me our joint Visa (which I cancelled last night) and built a pile of stuff that includes a bracelet she just bought me, a few special rings we bought together, an emblem of out initial love and my wedding ring with a note that says "These belong to you again"; she'll probably see this on Monday.
My plan for the weekend of to work out, ride my motorcycle, re-read the chapters in DR about infidelity and start on a new book the MC recommended when I caled yesterday called "After the Affair". I am going dark and will not contact her or respond to any request to talk. I will tell her she is welcome back in the house on Monday so long as she remains disconnected from the OM but that I don;t want to see her or be around her for awhile. I think that's everything.
My mind is racing this morning but I'm doing OK; hurt but not as bad as 5 weeks ago. I'm not sure what that means and am wondering if it's just time to move on; too early for that decision but the thought is clearly there. She's lied to me for so long, right to my face, that I have no trust in anything she says. This sucks, and I really didn't deserve this. The only good thing right now is I no longer feel responsible for where we are and why the MC has not worked as well as I thought it should have. I feel really good about me personally and am going to continue to focus on me.
Thanks for listening to my rambling, please comment and help me through this. Many thanks.......Mike
