25- well, we've hijacked this thread but I think your words benefit everyone anyway.
Frankly, H wears both hats fairly well. Now back in town, he spends so much time with the kids and seems pained by and pre-occupied with communicating and taking some action in our sitch.
He is 36, sort of prime time and things ARE happening but the guilt and reality of all our debt and responsibilities is like a thorn in his side. If he up and disappeared, it might be easier emotionally in some ways, YKWIM? It is a yoyo for me and for the kids and I don't see that changing much as that is his choice in lifestyle (and is what I was feeling in M too). I'm pretty sure that he is honest that he is separated and has kids, just tells people, at best, it is a mutual separation, at worst, I'm a psycho-bitch...women don't really care. He dotes on his children, that is so endearing...
Neither of us had decent modeling and really the gravity of the difficulties we've faced over the years and both lacking healthy coping skills has left us worn out and for him, it is time to put it all behind him and move forward. In the meantime, he is beginning to step up and deal but it is with the inertia to move forward and away from me, not do it for the M.
The Paul Newman thing makes me sad. I could see him being that guy...and I'm the rehearsal wife. It is tough to imagine him going the distance with another woman. It could go many different ways.
25, it is pretty hellish to have people I consider MY friends who are just shocked and appalled on my behalf, actually emailing him or contacting him for hook-ups, gushing when he talks about who he's working with etc. I know I'm bigger than that, but it is pretty isolating and can make a woman feel pretty self-conscious and slightly paranoid. It is a bit of a social hell that makes me want to move out of the state sometimes.
Anyway, we have so much contact and there is so much left un-healed between us. I almost wish we could do Retrouvaille. He probably has enough guilt to agree to it but I don't know if it can work that way. Maybe you can meet me at my thread sometime.
