I hate my H

[Jimbo]

mach - what do you say to all the childhood baggage? Does that even matter? g-ville, near border of loudoun.

Hi Hope,
With apollogies to you and Mach for butting in on your question to him, it's good to be able to recognize your H's baggage. It will help you to stay on a more even keel. You have recognized the issues he is likely dealing with- this is good. It will help you to be able to see that, not only are there issues that your H has to figure out for himself, but that...

There is no way for you to help him with his issues.

You seem to me to be someone who has already figured this out. I only mention it because there is quite the difference between knowing something in your head, and getting it through to your heart.

We all want to be there for our spouses- we want to help them because we love them. But sometimes that help has to come in the form of backing off, and letting them figure it all out for themselves.

You've got it through your head- how about through your heart?

I only ask because it's a slipery slope, and we can so easily fool ourselves into saying yes, when, looking back later, we see that it wasn't so.

So, if you have got it through to your heart, then you DO recognize that his path has to be travelled by him, and him alone.

So the only person you can work on is yourself.

It sounds like you're addressing that already. Keep up the good work.

You're not alone in this- we're here for you.