I hate my H

[Done in VA]

I do like MC, but don't know if she is addressing things the way someone with the severity of his marital issues are. I also think he may be bringing problems that he had from childhood into the M & have to wonder if IC is something he needs. Maybe he needs to work through some of these issues BEFORE he can work on us (if he ever can). His mother has been married & divorced 4 times. She is a narcissist - EVERYTHING revolves around her & how great she is. She's always given H guilt trips & expects him to "fill in" where a husband should since she is single. She's the type of person that cuts you right out of her life if she has a problem with you. She hadn't spoken to her own mother in so long (so neither did H), that when her mom died & she called H, he got off the phone & said - My mom's mom just died. I said - you mean your GRANDMA? She treated him as a surrogate H & always implied it was "them against the world". He was also labeled as "just a good kid who never gave her problems". I have to wonder if he didn't develop a facade early on that was never really him in order to cope. He's always been the laid back, optimistic guy. People that know his mom & would meet him would always say - I can't believe SHE raised someone as nice as him. Now I'm wondering how that really did affect him.

Not to mention his father. He has not seen or spoken to his dad since he was 14 yrs old. I found out from his dad's next wife (they are now divorced) that when they were married, he used to try to see H & his mom would never let him. If I ever asked H about his dad, he would always tell me that he "just didn't care about him". Although when our son was born, H's dad sent a gift to the baby shower with 2nd wife & when H found out he was ENRAGED & wanted it returned IMMEDIATELY. So there is deep-rooted anger there.

I don't know if the "ghosts of his past" are now catching up w/him & he is blaming it all on me? I know I'm not perfect & am making the changes I think will benefit me either way.

For me, I am trying to reconnect with people that I have not had the energy to keep up with due to all of this. I am working out w/a trainer 3 days/week. I am actively involved in my church & am starting to do volunteer work with senior citizens.

The kids are in the dark. Yes, we have been together since I was 21 & he was 19. I always felt like we grew up together. We built the life we have TOGETHER. We met at college & were very good friends that knew everything about each other before we even started dating. We had the same circle of friends.

His demeanor around me is somewhat guarded. He talks less and less about his outside life so it is getting to the point that I don't even know what to talk to him about anymore. He cuts me out more & more each day.

Even though H gives off the laid back impression, he is extremely private. I don't know who he is talking to about anything. My friends & family know the situation. Most of my friends that know are out of state, either old friends from HS or college.