Well.. I just got an email from my wife and she basically flat out told me she wished I would express my feelings to her more. I sent her an email first responding to a text of when I would get the rest of my stuff.. She is talking about our last conversation together btw. It was our first real convo since separation and I wanted to just catch up. to help get us to the point of talking about feelings
here's her email: Sux about working so much, but you'll appreciate the check..Sunday will be ok. We won't be here, though. I guess we can talk soon, but I didn't understand the point..I mean it's ok to catch up, but I don't understand you. I feel like we are just sitting there forcing conversation. If you need to discuss something, or express your feelings, I wish you would. I don't mean to be cold, but I don't know how else to handle this. Hope you had a good hike and good doctor's visit, your W
So I 180'ed and I hope it's a good one. I expressed my feelings about what transpired over the last few months, our living sitch, and SIL H death.. I know I shouldn't initiate much talk about R or feelings but it looks like she wants me to.. so I replied..
Hey there,
I do understand what you are saying about conversation. It has been very difficult for me to communicate over the last few months. Anyway, you know what sucks? I had a huge email written up about this and somehow I deleted the whole thing. I will try to re-write it to the best of my memory. Since about February or so I felt like we were growing apart and you and your twin S getting closer. I just took that as you needing to really be there for her after the tragedy. I remember me and you talking about BIL, the new living situation, and the fact that she lost her love and you had someone and you felt bad about it sometime in January and you were afraid about the new living situation. You said that we were doing just fine living on xxxxxx Ave and that really struck a chord with me. Anyway, I do believe communication started breaking down after this because it was such an uncomfortable thing to be talking about this tragedy and feeling uprooted. I really wish I had tried to address it as my relationship with you is very important to me. By this time you were getting more aloof with me and growing closer to your twin S and I really resented it. I wanted to be strong for you and SIL and just took it. W, I want you to know I was angry about it but instead of confronting you, I instead acted evasive, defensive, moody, and untalkative. I glossed over these feelings I felt instead of expressing them and that was wrong. I guess I really was internalizing a lot of things after this tragedy. It really was very difficult watching you and twin S get closer while I was feeling more shut out and like a third wheel. I want you to know though I would never do anything to get in the way of you and twin S and have a lot of respect for the loyalty you have for each other.
I do know I have communication issues. I know it is frustrating when I seem to lose track and focus when we are conversing. I also want you to know that I always eagerly listened to you with compassion to the very best of my abilities. I value our conversations, everything you have to say, and enjoy the topics.
I want you to know that this tragedy is really not something a newly wed couple should have had to go through. It just seems so unfair. Of course I know the person it really is unfair to is your twin S.
I want you to know that if there is anyone in the world I would want to discuss my feelings with it would be you. Everything just got so difficult over the last few months. I understand that you are feeling cold right now. I just want you to know that whenever you want to talk to me I will be there.
