OK for men with wives having an affair, has OM...

[Hope4us]

Thanks FF. I've been reading all your posts to try to understand what my W is going through. You've helped me more than you know, especially with your comments that it takes 18-24 months after your A ended for you to really get OM out of your system and to start letting your H back in.

She had an 9 month A. I discovered it after 6 months. OM is a player who has had multiple A's on his W. I exposed to OMW, that pretty much ended the A, but W kept trying to get together with him (he had moved about 200 miles away right before I found out for sure) for another 5 months as they were still talking through email/IM (just like your 2nd or 3rd post said).

March a year ago I saw on her cell that she tried to get OM to visit again and he blew her off with some lame excuse and that was my breaking point. I made an appointment with a lawyer, I drove to our S20's school and told him and when I got home I told S17. S17 shredded his mom. He was brutal with her. And that was the end of the A.

It's been a long year since with periods of distance from her and periods of closeness and intimacy. The last 3 months or so she seems to be really figuring it out, but still doesn't wear her wedding rings or say 'I love you'.

I'm trying my best to be patient, but it's so darn hard when we have these periods of great times but there's that one thing holding her back. I'm assuming it's the guilt. And right now, things are pretty good for her. She doesn't have to move forward which would require her facing her demons and she doesn't have to go back, because I haven't pushed her to really deal with the A (understanding how it happened, etc.)

Ok, this got longer than I intended. I'm over in Piecing if you want to read more.

And I'll second what you say about OP's not being better in bed even though it's "new" and exciting. OMW told me that OM started ordering some herbal thingie off the internet (after he started sleeping with my W but before she or I knew) that is supposed to make your "manhood" larger. LOL. Guess all his A's are trying to make up for other things lacking in his makeup!