Briefly my story is this. I've been married for 25 years and have raised 4 kids all now grown. The problems for me started about 6 years ago. i struggled to come to terms with the fact that the kids were growing up and that I was no longer a central part of their lives. I believe I became depressed. My h tried to get me over this by focusing on what would happen once the kids left, unfortunately this came across to me as uncaring and pushy. I wanted to enjoy them whilst they were still at home and he wanted to move forward to the next phase in our lives before I was emotionally ready - I was not nice to him at this time. Then I met an ex who seemed to understand what I was going through and listened to me, it became an EA. My h found out and I stopped all contact although my heart wasn't in the m at the time. 18 months later I started to repair myself and began to look forward and cheered up I began to look forward to a life with my h. This came too late for my h and he left. I do blame myself for this and have aplogised by letter and in person more times that i can remember.
My h says that he felt a whole in his life and had done for the entire marriage but the whole became so big he left as he felt we could never be happy together and he would rather try and be happy with someone else. He needed love in his life and didn't want to get it from me.
After he left we tried MC but it seemed to focus more on our differences and lack of communication rather than how we could repair. The experience further convinced my h that we should part.
Since he's been gone I've done all the wrong things, begging etc. I mainly tried to focus on the practical issues of why we should stay married rather than the emotional. I've worked hard to be more emotionally open as he said that was one of the problems.
For the past two years I've GAL and have a good PMA (most of the time). He says he can see the changes but that they have no effect on him, he's indifferent to me. Now he's in a relationship with someone I considered to be a good friend, I don't believe that this r will last they don't have much in common and to be frank I think the attraction is that they were both separated at the same time, they became emotionally involved on the rebound. I could be wrong and they are the love of each others lives.
I'm doing my best to detach but find the balance difficult to him I come across as cold. I do not initiate contact and try to be first to say goodbye.
I've signed up to a divorce busting coach and that has been a great help particularly in getting a PMA.
Not really sure what my next step should be. I've as a goal having one positive conversation/meeting with my h, but so far haven't been successful. Each time we meet he views it negatively even if I feel positive. It's as if he's putting up unnecessary barriers and looking for the negatives in me, rather than focusing on the good. He's closed down emotionally from me and nothing will change his viewpoint.
