hi SL... i think its a pretty common thing to look back and realise the midlife crisis started a long time ago. I think thats part of it.. it doesnt help of course but it clarifies things I guess.
I think they are very aware of the damage they do to their family and children. I think thats just part of what keeps them running. Men and women are different... women tend to want to nurture and heal but with men, they want to FIX it and when they decide... I CANT FIX THIS... they decide to throw it out instead - get a new model - start again. as callous as that sounds. if they give up on any idea of fixing, they toss it away. thats their mentality, and unlike women, they tend to do it decisively and strongly and with determination not to look back. its very painful.
i think in the end sometimes they decide that running away is the 'strong' thing to do. we think they're being weak but they dont they think they're being the 'strong one'. they think by running and forcing us to accept their absence they are doing us a favor. i really saw that in my ex, still do. if theres a lot of shame involved they get a mentality they dont 'deserve' to go back and they also believe it 'cant be fixed'. ie i did too much. we cannot convince them otherwise.
i think you have been really strong, and will continue to do so, and just being true to yourself and honest, what else can you really do in the end? we cant control someone else, or their feelings, or what they want. we can call them sick, we can say they arent the same person, but they have the rights to choose their own life and make their own mistakes; and pointin them out only makes them more determined to go their way.
dont feel unworthy for loving him and wanting your family back. dont be like that bc its a strength to love someone and you had a lot invested and a lot of history. your not a victim your just someone who had smething had happen and wants her life and family back and thats not a shameful thing, it doesnt mean you are like some kind of beaten wife; look how many of us there are! you are a loving person, you appreciated what you had this is good - look how many give up so soon. be proud of who you are. we all get thru this at our own pace with many changes back and forth. theres no rules. theres no 'strong' and 'weak' way of dealing with it.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
