hey mdoodles, nights were the worst for me also, I wish I could actually do or say something to help, but all I can do is say what helped me, which was reading a lot, before bed... I would read motivational, spiritual books. A lot were complete crap. but some were really good! I kind of like that bit actually - I learned some new things and new ways of looking at things... probably the dalai lama taught me the most (quite something coming from a catholic girl LOL.)

overall i think your doing fantast, and journalling is doing you well... just dont go down the wrong paths... ie anger, hatred, resentment... its so hard but... if you can avoid that its so beneficial... thats why I loved the dalai lama I guess, he taught me about REAL compassion. ie theres two types: theres the one that has SELF INTEREST and ATTACHMENT (ie I will care as long as it serves me) and then theres the real thing which is I HAVE COMPASSION EVEN THOUGH THIS PERSON HAS NO ATTACHMENT TO ME... its a real freedom. genuine compassion requires a HUGE amount of patience and tolerance. im not even close to being proficient. but im learning! and it does ease the pain

PM .... OMG yes yes yes! laugh I love your posts ... laugh

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.