Sandi, thank you so much for taking the time to post to me. So many things you have said since you have been posting to me has brought tears to my eyes because I know they are sooo true. I have struggled so much trying to figure out why my xh is doing what he is doing to our family. That is why I put so much thought into the MLC thing. Some people say it is an illness and is to be treated like an illness and I sure wouldnt want to be mean to anyone, especially my xh, if he is ill. He did however walk off and leave us after threatening to the past few months, maybe even a year. My son even would say dad isnt leaving he always says this, just leave him alone mom and he will be fine. During the past 2 years, now looking back, our marriage was starting to decline. We would argue more and it seemed my xh always raised his voice and cursed alot.BUT...a little while later he would say he was sorry and we would make up and things would be ok for awhile. It was like he wanted out, but couldnt imagine living without us and was scared to take that step. It's like he wanted to leave but couldnt find the courage and felt too bad about it to do it, so he stayed. We did fight more, we could never stay mad long though, but the last 2 years we started going to bed mad, something we NEVER done before. Actually after a while I started to think I was unhappy with things and it was my unhappiness that was causing his. (hope I didnt confuse you). I must have started sensing things, because I started saying things like "dont ever leave me" and he would say, "you dont ever have to worry about that, I couldnt imagine living without you and son". I dont know if you read all my threads but just in case you didnt let me post what took place the last year or so. I often said and even to him once, after all this, I dont blame you for running, I sometimes wish I could of ran to, but I couldnt and wouldnt.
***Husband's best friend and Capt. on the police force retired. H had it easier when he was there.
***Husband lost his job because he became careless and in the I dont care about my job mode. I guess he thought he was irreplaceable.
***Financial trouble, especially with home ***At this time, h started working out faithfully everyday. ***H and I decided we could not keep our home and moved out into a rental home. ***H started disliking his vol job of being FIRE CHIEF for over 8 years and resigned. Very much not like him. He loved being fire chief. ***H took job with best friend and retired capt. at Nursing Home. ***After about 3 months, h changed shifts at work from 3rd to 1st and became supervisor. ***H and I decided to keep our home and after just 3 months of moving out we moved back to our home. 20 years worth of stuff moved twice in 3 months! ***During the move back home, my mother became very ill and lost her battle with leukemia.
In all honesty our family went through more in one year then in the past 19. During all of this, my son and h were fighting constantly about son getting a job, which he needed to. I think the pressure of all the above and arguing with son got to be too much. Xh even said once, I am leaving you can go with me if you want, I am not arguing with him anymore.
When xh told son we were seperating, he also told son he had to live with me. Son was very upset at first.
Anyway, just wanted to kinda feel you in. I have to go to bed now, but tomorrow I will write about the things my mother and I went through.
Sandi, I have never been one to want to be alone. Also, I get real close to female friends really easy. I didnt have a mother daughter relationship, nor did I have any sisters or daughters...so I felt like I was starving for female companionship sometimes.
You know it's funny that you say xh's MLC probably started 2 years ago and just came to a head. He told me when he decided to sep. that he was tired of leading me on...(and he probably was).
I will end now and write more tomorrow. Thank you again!
