Things came to a head about 7 weeks ago and I told her that I was her H and I was sick and tired of being treated like a sex offender by her when she was the one who cheated on me. I told her that I was fine to watch our Ds on my own and if she was that uncomfortable around me, then she should leave. It was a long talk and after it all, she sincerely thanked me for it. I was shocked to say the least.
Super tired. But, having read most of your thread, this is what stood out to me.
I was done with H and really pretty revolted sexually. There was no OM but I fantasized and sort of strung myself along that way.
When H started to change (unfortunately his method was to tap into MY insecurities and bring up other women being attracted to him etc), I noticed and flailed trying to figure out what to do. I loved him, didn't want the marriage to end but did not know how to connect.
She is probably suffering from depression. She is harboring feelings for OM and not just what she feels for him, but, guilt shame, self-loathing...
Have you considered Retrouvaille...I really think I would have done it if H had suggested it.
I can't believe the fog I was in. I was so miserable and wanted out. I think that is a sign of one's own issues and depression. And usually, the person who hooks up with someone with issues, has issues him/herself...YKWIM?
She thanked you for that talk because it was a dose of honesty, reality...you gave her a reason to respect you (major for me with H)...he literally had to walk for me to feel respect for him again. He could have done it in the R BUT our dynamic was too screwy and we needed an earthquake to shake it up. She only feels worse about herself when you let her disrespect you (trust me on this)...
I want to see if this is making sense and then more if you want it...
