Ok, the sh*t has hit the fan and I could use some help. I ended up taking PDT's advice and invested in "tools" to monitor our computers and found out today that my wife has been having an affair with an OM for at least 4 months, spent 2 hours at a hotel 1 block from our house yesterday and, when confronted with the evidence, denied, lied and eventually admitted to everything expect "physical intimacy", and I do not believe her.
We have been in MC for 5 weeks and, long story short, she has been lying to me and the C everyday for the past 5 weeks. She let me believe the affair was with another person, she assured me that it was over and that it was only ever with this "wrong" guy and that she had cut off all contact. The truth is that she has continued to talk (probably more) with the "real" guy for all of the past 5 weeks, I'm positive she met him at the hotel yesterday and they have spent many months traveling for business these past 6 months and her boss confirmed for me that she was certain they stayed together during those travels (she was fired for fraternization 5 weeks ago).
I'm hurt, certainly, but I'm more surprised to know the truth because I would have stood by my W's side and argued that she was a moral, ethical person and would NEVER cheat because she had been cheated on in a past relationship and she knows the pain that causes. What a dope I am; somebody else has been doing things with my wife she has refused me for months and months. At this point, she still will not be honest about what happened and is out of the house for a few days (with D). I was crushed 5 weeks ago when I thought she was having an EA and I'm surprised how I feel right now; I'm disappointed but a part of me really doesn't give a sh*t and just wants to move on. I've worked so hard since "the bomb" to improve my life, my health, my mental state (AD's have really helped me!) and my fitness that I'm pretty happy with every part of my life but my marriage, and now that appears to be in the dumps.
I don't know if I should even try any more, I certainly don't trust her and she is still denying a PA ever happened but there are WAY too many signs and confirmation from her old boss about her business travels and recorded phone calls with the OM. I didn't focus in the section on affairs in DR because I didn;t think it applied; do I go dark now, cut her off, cut her out? I can't see even talking without full disclosure and she isn't willing to admit to a PA - how is there a road forward (assuming I even want to try)?
I do want to give a great big THANK YOU to PDT for your repeated suggestions to "trust but verify"; you were 100% right man! Thanks for being there for me and pushing; I'd never know the truth without your help and would still be wondering why the MC wasn't working. For anyone reading this and wondering the same thing - "trust but verify". Any help and suggestions are greatly appreciated......Mike
