Journalling..... mlj - I am sorry that you have to be here, but am glad and know that this website is a God sent for us all. When you feel comfortable, go ahead and write/blog away. I sort of use this site as my personal diary......and its awesome, bc there is feedback and so I feel as though I will have a chance to get rid of that tape that is constantly looping in my head.
My heart really aches for all of us who really are just left to deal with the "responsibility" of life and the day to day positive functioning of ourselves. I feel as though I have it fairly easy. The real heros are the parents who not only have to deal with their own emotions but also their children's emotional well being. Human Beings are simply amazing.
For me, I wish I had had a chance...but, really I don't know ........ as people say on this site, its not over until its over! I am anticipating H's visit in a week or two and we will really see what is going on then. Right now, for me, its all guess work.
I have alot of down days, as you know if you have been following my blog. Its crazy. It gets better in that you become more used to that feeling of uncertainty and you learn to be very self sufficient....esp if S has just left. But, it really does help to give myself a list of things to finish. Then there is some sort of guideline for the day.
Its amazing what we are capable of....today, I was thinking that it is truely a blessing.......a privelage.... to find someone to share our lives with...
If my H goes....I'm not really worse off, I'm just at baseline...on my own...trying to live out my dreams and to be true to myself.
Today became rough as I unpacked the last of the clothes and found H's clothing. It seemed unreal...and I had to pull out his pic to re-picture him in my head. That is scary. I put away the pic right away. I did not want to look at him. I was afraid to look and really imbibe that feeling. He is really betraying me...he is quitting on me. He does not want me. It is a tough pill to swallow.
And more importantly, I am going to have to get used to it, if I am to be ready for his week long visit. I have no idea how to prepare myself for this. Any suggestions???
I will listen, be more proactive, be fun, offer some alternatives if he asks and is open to it. That's the plan for right now.
