Well I have gone back to work, I started a new job just about a month ago. And I have been surprised at how fast I have gotten my self-confidence back since I have been working again! H made me feel like I wasn't worth much since I was "sponging" off him and my parents while I was sick - at least that's how he saw it. Sad considering for most of our marriage I was the primary wage earner by a rather large margin. Not to mention I paid his way through grad school and he never did the same for me even though that was our original deal. My new job isn't much - just a retail clerk barely above minimum wage - but at least I am interacting with people outside my immediate family again. And its enough to hopefully pull off tuition for private school for my son - he has Sensory Integration Disorder and his pediatrician says he really needs to go to a private school with small classes. H has said he doesn't care if S goes to a special school or not, but he has said he will NOT contribute to the tuition, if I want him to go I'll have to pay his way alone. This is all just moving too fast for me all of a sudden. I've been kind of just taking whatever life throws at me for too long now and all of a sudden it just feels like its time to start fighting back. I think it all came to a head this week because H called us Sunday morning and spoke to S and told him he would DEFINITELY be out to visit Sunday afternoon and S was all excited and sat out on his swing in the front lawn all Sunday afternoon watching for daddy's car and - you guessed it - daddy never showed up. Haven't heard from him since that morning when he originally called, either. I'm so angry with him all of a sudden - he just pushed me over the edge with this. I still want to work things out but mostly for our son's sake not for my own. But if we are going to work things out, it's going to have to start soon, because if he pulls stunts like this much more and keeps hurting our son, I'm not going to be able to retain any positive feelings for him very much longer. I'm so sick of having to lie to my son about his daddy just having to work long hours and daddy still cares about him and all that when I know in my head (if not my heart) that "daddy" couldn't care less about either one of us anymore.
