Ken Remember...she told me 14 months ago she wanted out of the marriage. It was me that hung on, waiting and hoping...thinking that she saw and believed the changes.
When she reminded me I would tell her "I know"...and she would hang on...waiting for me to move on...move out. As I look back on it now, it doesn't make an awful lot of sense, but you all know what the past year has been like for us.
I offered the good times, knowing what she continued to tell me..she accepted, knowing that in the long run, she still wanted out.
Certainly not the right thing for her to do, and I would imagine there were many times her feelings were changing...no, I know during that past year, her feelings were changing..the ups and downs, the peaks and valleys. They were there...that's why I hung in there.
And me...I told her when the R talks came up that I loved her and did not want the marriage to end, but never admitted to fighting it in my heart. She had just thought all along that everything I was doing was a lie, and in that respect, it was all I lie to her....lies that I would move on and lies that the changes were for me. That was how she told me she saw it.
How do you establish any sort of normal relationship or communication when the whole thing was based on keeping ourselves medicated with alcohol and good times...all the while both of us knowing full well what the other wanted.
Now this...This to me is the culmination of her frustration from the past year...not the previous years of being in an unhappy marriage. She got that out and off her chest back then and was firm when she told me it was over..100%..in her words.
I was just talking with a friend online and I posed the question...
"If all she has been doing this past year is waiting me out, and has moved on enough to allow OM to be in the picture, what exactly would I be saving if I decided to ride this out and start a new DB path?"
During a short talk the other night she as much as told me that the last 14 months was not fair to either one of us. She felt I made us just waste another year of BOTH of our lives.
She said I TOLD you and and you didn't believe me, and then you just kept trying and trying....being so nice and doing all these things for me.."Just because I told you I wanted a divorce"...poor thing..14 months with kind, loving husband that treated you like a queen....and you stayed why?
There is a lesson in there for all of us, I guess...especially for the newbies, but I can't quite comprehend it right now.
So..where do I go from here and what will the next step be?...conflicting advice, information overload keeps me on the fence.
Does there need to be a time line? Is there any urgency since in the end, I cannot and should not be thinking control?
Stand up for what I believe is right, tell her to GTFO and push her right into his or another's arms?...maybe.
Hang tight...relax..see what the next few days bring and the coming week when OM is planning on being in town?...tough one for me.
Exposure?....fight argue and bring it all this chapter to a spectacular end. Hard to imagine after not a single harsh word spoken between us in over a year.
Even the other night with her confession, and reassurance to me that the marriage was over, she said she hated the thought of us not being friends.
Crazy, crazy stuff my friends...crazy stuff.
But Steady, you're right..venting on here helps sometimes, even if I do sound like a raving idiot at times.
I am just trying to keep my sanity right now and fairing pretty well I hope.
There are plenty of stories on here about the WAW and the fog and all the crazy things they will do.
Don't forget the news stories about the crazy H's who have done horrible things to there families and themselves in the name of love.
Thanks again folks...I'll keep you posted, and once again..chime in if you feel like it.
