Magnificent

[mishka422]

I call her the broom because I don't want to put her name here, not really because I think of her as broomhilda anymore.

OT, he mows the lawn without asking me only because I leave the lawn mower on the front porch (won't currently fit in the garage) so he has open access to it. There have been other things he has done when he comes to pick up Marc and I'm not home also but the lawn is the big one.

I guess I let the comment get to me today just because it came from so far out of left field and seemed like he was saying I don't take care of my son. You are right though, he probably made a point of telling me that his gf paid for it so I wouldn't think he was getting money from somewhere and not paying CS. It is an interesting idea to deduct the $200 labor cost from the CS bill. I hadn't thought of that. How would I broach that subject with him? The funny thing is, I'm sure he hasn't even considered the fact that he is going to owe a LOT of back CS once he gets a job. He probably thinks that he'll just pick up paying it when he starts working and that will be that. I know I'll have to go to court to get it out of him....boy, won't that be a shocker?

There are several days at a time that I go without even having the first thought about Gabe and that makes me really happy. I make plans for myself, I go out with friends, I have a large family that I am with regularly and I'm normally really happy. Last night my group was talking about being thankful. There is a man in our group who lost absolutely everything because he became involved in drugs and went to prison. He lost his family, doesn't see his kids without court supervision, wears an ankle monitor and can only travel in a small radius of his home. Through all of that he has deepened his R with Christ and is thankful for that. He asked how you know that you feel thankful though. How can you be thankful for the circumstances in your life? That opened my heart and mind.....

I'm genuinely thankful that I was dragged to my knees so that I could find my way back to me. I had lost me completely in my M - so much so that I didn't like who I was anymore. My personality had disappeared. I buried myself in order to adapt to what I thought Gabe and everyone around me wanted. No more. I am ME again. Fun, gregarious, kind, open, honest, big-hearted, warm, friendly, sarcastic, stubborn, and BRIGHT!

There you go! That's me! Not sure how I don't see myself enmeshed with Gabe, but I obviously am missing it. I don't ask for it, I don't want him involved in my life, and I don't need him. So, I have to learn to not be friendly and just be businesslike. I don't know how to do that because that is not me. So, how to become........not me when it comes to him?