I wouldn't make any big decisions today, or even tomorrow for that matter. You need to clear your head and figure out what your boundaries are (I personally don't believe in dating other people while still married, but that's between you and your husband. Just don't agree to it unless you believe in it).
In the meantime, as I just posted to you on one of your other threads, learn the fine art of "I'm sorry you feel that way," and keep your distance. Have you read up on "dropping the rope"?? I think that would be my suggestion.
Forget about what he wants. What do YOU want. And I'm not just talking about you wanting your M.
What do you want in your life. Take care of yourself first. If your H still wants to mess around, draw that boundary and tell him that it is not acceptable for you and he needs to get his butt out.
Dress well, look great, boost your confidence. Do that as a 180. If he wants to stay lost in the fog, that's up to him. But your thinking is as clear as day. Enjoy the time with your son.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I wouldn't make any big decisions today, or even tomorrow for that matter. You need to clear your head and figure out what your boundaries are (I personally don't believe in dating other people while still married, but that's between you and your husband. Just don't agree to it unless you believe in it).
In the meantime, as I just posted to you on one of your other threads, learn the fine art of "I'm sorry you feel that way," and keep your distance. Have you read up on "dropping the rope"?? I think that would be my suggestion.
Puppy
As always, great advice, Puppy. I don't think H will really want to date over the next year. He just says it will be weird living in the same house. I need to reaffirm my commitment that our marriage is not over. He doesn't even want to take his wedding ring off, even though he feels the marriage is over, or rather says it's over.
I need to read about dropping the rope for sure! Is that on this board? Or in a book?
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
Forget about what he wants. What do YOU want. And I'm not just talking about you wanting your M.
What do you want in your life. Take care of yourself first. If your H still wants to mess around, draw that boundary and tell him that it is not acceptable for you and he needs to get his butt out.
Dress well, look great, boost your confidence. Do that as a 180. If he wants to stay lost in the fog, that's up to him. But your thinking is as clear as day. Enjoy the time with your son.
Hi - Great advice too. I dressed up really nice today, wore nice jewelry, perfume, and he didn't say anything. Oh well. I felt great about myself, so I can keep doing those things!
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
Wanted to post some new thoughts here in the infidelity section so that I don't start any other new threads...
So it's been over a month since I confronted the therapist, she lost her job, H says he's done and the marriage is over, now moving out most likely in the beginning of August despite my willingness to forgive, work on the marriage, etc.... I don't see any indication that he's still seeing the therapist and he says the EA is a moot point b/c he has been unhappy for a long time. (Uh, this from the man who bought a brand-new house with me just 1 1/2 years ago and wanted to "start our life over.") I know, I know, it's all affair script. Could it really be that the EA is over? Should I contact the therapist's husband to expose their EA and get it to end for sure? I don't think it will make much difference, unless H is still in contact with her. I guess my fear is that, if it is over between them, it won't make any difference for my sitch. And, if they are still seeing each other, the OW's husband might go postal and come after my H.
Anyone have any advice about what to do? I feel like, if he is still in the affair cloud, this might be my last hope. But I'm scared...
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
Hi, Puppy. I still have the emails that she sent my H with her name in the email address. Those are from May. Are these proof enough? If I were her H, I would be upset by the amount of emotion she poured out into them.
Puppy...based upon all of your experience with EAs and PAs, has there ever been a sitch that you know of where the spouse in the affair still wanted a divorce, even after the affair was over?
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
I would only confront if I had concrete proof.
I don't believe it's over.
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
I couldn't say if the e-mails are proof without a copy of them, or at least more details about them.
Yes, I am aware of people who ended their EAs and PAs and still wanted a divorce, based on the prior marital problems. I am NOT aware of any that CONTINUED their affairs, and were able to reconcile their marriages. Not saying it doesn't happen, and I'm sure it does, as they just keep it a secret, but I do think that the CHANCES of reconciliation are far greater if you remove the affair partner from the picture as quickly as possible.
In any event, it's a DB principle of MWD's.