sorry to jump in but this conversation gets at something I have been struggling to understand, sort out for myself lately. I see you both are dealing with it in your sitch so hope you don't mind me jumping in to ask.
what is the right ballance between empathy, giving people (mostly I mean the WAS) the time to work out their issues on their own time, validating their feelings and being their friend-the person they ideally will realize they don't want to give up-and also because it makes us feel better to conduct ourselves with grace and kindness AND responding to disrespectful inconsiderate treatment that not only hurts but indicates that we will except this?
How are we supossed to gauge if "doing something different" is to continue to rise above, be the better person, so they have less ammunition to justify thier anger at us, or if the doing something different required is to calmly but firmly address the disrespectful behavior? And, in switching up the doing something different, doesn't that then become waffeling back and forth so you never really get the full impact of either strategey?
I get so frustrated by the position we LBSs are placed in by manipulative or passive agressive WAS. I know that no person can make you feel a certain way, we control what we do for ourself and how we choose to respond, but if we are at the point where we want to drop the rope and have nothing to to do with them in response but still have ongoing issues (child swapping, joint financial responsibilities that can not be seperated immediately...) how are you supossed to respond when they are not acting respectfully. I feel like a little kid whinning...HEY, NO FAIR!
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
