I also yelled at him this week, saying that I would turn our son against him. I seriously can't seem to bite my tongue. I apologized and said that I would never really do that. Again, I say things in the heat of anger that I regret. Gotta avoid the conflicts, my number one problem.
UGH, that's not good. Whoo boy. Yeah, you need to work on that. I'm glad you apologized for that one.
Puppy
Yeah, I need to work on my bitterness about what a divorce would mean for my life b/c it is making me come across as a vindictive and mean person when I reaaly am not at alll. I see divorce as an utter failure, something to be ashamed of, like I'll be falling into a lower class of people (no offense to anyone here) b/c it just goes against all that I have ever stood for, all that I have ever wanted for my life. I never even wanted to date anyone unless I thought they were marriage material, so consequently I dated few men and married the 2nd man that I'd ever had a serious relationship with in college. I have high standards!
I guess if my marriage was so important to me from the get-go, I should have made A LOT of different choices. I should not have hurt my husband the way I did all those years ago. I'm mad at myself. I have to grieve for the things I did to get to this horrific place. I thought that I had forgiven myself a long time ago. But, maybe I never fully did? I've disappointed my husband so much and I can't undo the past. I thought I made up for it by having our son and contributing equally to our finances and quality of life.
I have a lot of work to do on myself.
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
