L&C, - my situation is not exactly like yours, but I do understand. My long-term illness forced my husband and I to separate for a long time as I needed more care than he could give me (he travels for his job). The longer I was sick, the more he seemed to lose interest in me. Now that I am better, he has stated that he has no interest at all in getting back together. This despite the fact that we have a 6 year old child together (I have physical custody, husband visits once every 4-6 weeks). Sometimes I think serious or chronic illness pushes a spouse away because at first they are afraid of losing the ill spouse to whatever disease or condition they may have developed. The distance starts from fear but after a while they have distanced themselves so far emotionally that they "lose the way home." Even now that I am mostly recovered, I wonder if my husband feels like since this illness is something that is going to affect me for the rest of my life (DRs have told me it probably took 10-20 years off my overall life span due to heart muscle damage), he just doesn't want to take the chance of getting close again and losing me. Plus, like you, I've gained weight, and I can't lose it b/c my heart meds lower my metabolism drastically - plus I'm not allowed to exercise to any great extent. I'm sure my husband has lost any attraction he had for me, while at the same time he has lost almost 100 pounds and is lighter than he has been since he was 18! At the same time, he has a sex addiction so not living together for 5 years, either he resents me for no sex (assuming he has managed to be chaste) or else he has cheated and feels guilty about it even though honestly considering our situation I would never blame him. I loved the 5 Love Languages book. I don't see my husband often enough to try it out on him much and the couple of times I did, it backfired. His LL is definitely physical affection and every time I try to touch him he jumps away from me as fast as he can. I have found that they have worked wonders with my son, whose LL is also touch. He used to get really cranky when he hadn't been snuggled enough, now he knows if he needs to be cuddled, to just come to me and tell me his love tank needs to be filled! If only adults had the good sense to be open about such things, we would probably have a lot less divorce!
