Meaning what? Go dark, move on, get a divorce now, give him an ultimatum, tell him he has a week to get his stuff out?
Nope simpler yet deeper than that. You, Aliveandkickin, are the leverage in your world. You are all the leverage you need.
Ok, to start with, I looked up the definition of leverage just for the "fun" of it-
these were the pertinent ones to me:
Positional advantage; power to act effectively To improve or enhance the ability to influence people or events the quality of having a superior or more favorable position bargaining chip
What stand out is that I think I have more to lose than he does...financially, emotionally, logistically etc. That scares me. Just being honest here...gonna dig deeper and just share what comes up.
Fear is the one thing that holds us back from doing alot of things. We are all facing that right now.
Fact is in your sitch, your H is pretty much gone physically and his head is somewhere over the rainbow. So the brutal truth is that you are going to have to rely on your own strength to get you through this.
When we all get married, we think this is it and we change our priorities to include our spouses, kids, life in general. But those things are our choices. Then when a D comes up, we're forced to re-evaluate those priorities again and it becomes scary because this time it isn't our choice. It's someone elses. That's why we get sent into freefall because suddenly the control we had in our lives was taken away.
Remember the strengths you had when you were single. You didn't need your H then. You don't need him now. Sure it's going to be tougher than hell, but I think we all come out stronger whether we go through a D or not.
Rather than looking at the sitch as a whole, take it on a little at a time. If you still want to work on getting him back, that's great, you can still do that, yet work on yourself in the event that he doesn't.
You can do it. Like they say...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
What stand out is that I think I have more to lose than he does...financially, emotionally, logistically etc. That scares me.
As long as you are afraid you have no control over yourself. What is it Smiley talks about the Spiers Paradigm - how does that go again?
You are your own leverage: Positional advantage; power to act effectively To improve or enhance the ability to influence people or events the quality of having a superior or more favorable position bargaining chip
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think I have more to lose than he does...financially, emotionally, logistically etc. That scares me.
You are thinking this way because you are thinking statically.
I am sure you are familiar with the joke that goes something like "Well I may be drunk, but you're stupid - and at least I'll be sober in the morning!"
Think of it along those lines. You may feel you have more to lose NOW...but you are working on yourself. In the future you are going to be GREAT!!, and if he keeps doing what he is doing now, then he's still going to be...at best...the same as he is today.
So who has more to lose now??
Last edited by Thinker; 06/12/0906:55 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
bottle cap of ice tea I just bought says "nothing to fear but fear itself" LOL they're different every bottle...think it means something.
Stuck put it there.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
