GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

Hi CG,

Thanks for the thoughtful post. Trust me, it definitely wasn't too long. You're right about me not thinking about the OM. It is my W I'm married to. Not him. It is her decision whether she wants to put any effort into the M or not.

As for the drawing the line of her seeing the OM at work and pushing for something legal or a real separation, I am hesitant about doing so because she will see that as an ultimatum and she'll head right out the door.

I definitely agree about me doing things for myself and not because it might better our sitch. I am making myself a better man physically and emotionally to build back my self-esteem and become a man of worth. In this case, I think I'm going to go with Coach's route and continue to better myself. If she notices great, if not, then oh well.

I remember fighting fit and others saying that it takes at least a year to get over an OM anyway if he's completely out of the picture. So since I can't control her feelings, I'm going to continue to concentrate on myself.

She already knows how I felt about the OM after I kicked her out of the house the first time.

IMHO, I really think my W's more confused rather than cake eating. To her, the home is comfortable/safe (yes it was only after I did major DBing that made her comfortable enough to come back which was my first goal) and may be the only source of stability in her life right now.

She's not hostile anymore unless the R is brought up. And even then, she's much nicer than she was a few months ago. She's opened up more and isn't physically retreating as much as she had been since the bomb.

For my W, feeling safe and trusting with someone is a big thing. I asked her once when we were separated how long she would date someone before she actually kissed them. She said about a month. And she's dead serious about that. She's really...i don't know... immature? Whatever.

I do know though, that I'm detached enough that if I found out she was dating someone else on the sly, she'd find her stuff packed and ready to go before she got home.

That's one boundary I'm not going to have crossed again.