Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

My opinion is that you cannot work on recovery with OM in the picture- she will not be receptive to it.

Do you think she would agree to put a stop to her relationship with OM for a period of time? 30 or 60 days? Do you think she would fill out the EN questionaires from Harley??

Kitty,

Thank you so much for responding. I really value your perspective and feel that feedback from gals like you and Sandi could really help me get a handle on my sitch.

To answer your question, no, she refuses to stop contact with the OM. She claims to have tried 2 times previously in April and May to stop contact with the OM and that in each instance those attempts lasted about three weeks. However, she later revealed that she had occasionally texted the OM during the 3 week periods "to check in on him". Regrettably it was during those times that I was still grappling mightily with getting my own emotions under control and slid back once or twice into R talk with her.

After the last R talk, we agreed to try again. I gave her 1 1/2 weeks of "space", being very laid back, friendly, etc. while under the impression she was backing off contacting OM. Did a backslide after finding out she had not kept the agreement to no contact with OM after about 4 days into it. We argued and she said that during the "break", she had had more time to think clearly and had determined yet again she did not want to work on our marriage. We argued and that's when she mentioned her one year plan to stick around before separating/divorce.

As mentioned in my prior posts, there have been a few occasions where she has appeared to "snap out of it" momentarily to tell me, while crying, that she is afraid to open her heart back up to me only to be disappointed and "trapped again". Then the attitude ("the wall"?) comes back and it's game on again, telling me and everyone else that "people don't change", that even though I want to change now she doesn't care,(though she says she feels bad about feeling that way) and that she wants to marry the OM and start a new life. It's just crazy- everyone in her life who cares about her is telling her to drop the OM and give me and the kids another chance! She acknowledges this but doesn't give a damn- or so she says.

So it appears that I am on my own for now- I will need to do all the heavy lifting here. Any general ideas on what I can do right now? Any clues in my prior posts that might shed light on a particular course of action?