I hate my H

[Done in VA]

Forrest! My head is spinning. I need straight answers.
Here is what I "get":
I get that I need to show with actions the changes.
I need to continue moving forward & not looking back.
I don't know how I can lead this sitch to a better place w/o sacrificing myself. I am thinking about just giving up. Making my changes & being me. If he doesn't like it, I can't make him.
I was just happy that I achieved my goal."

"- H thinks I ALWAYS have to get my way."

okay so my motivation was wrong? How can I stay motivated to do all these things in an "unconditional love" type way, YET detach?

I think it starts by acknowledging that my dreams were not "our dreams"

Wrong.. you fail.

then what is right?

I also wanted to mention that when he said I am more assertive now"

I am not sure this is great thing. Please be assertive when you are being "run over". Pick your battles.

This was H's words about himself

Is this you? Do those words resemble you?

"Loyal, honest, loving, compassionate & trying to change the inflexible, opinionated, selfish part"It's hard to do with all the "stuff" coming at you isn't it? Can you be that.. with all that is coming at you? Is that who you really are? Was it attractive at some point to "someone"?


Here's the hard part...H LIKED the qualities in me when we met that he DOESN'T like now. He liked that fact that I was brutally honest, he liked that I didn't pull any punches, he liked that I was a strong, assertive woman.

I think I have relaxed on all that stuff over the years and have been told the same thing by many people I am close with even before this happened. I have had H's mother tell me this past Xmas - you have become so friendly over the years. I have had other friends say - you have really changed and grown in your faith over the years, you used to be way more "I don't care what anybody thinks, I'm going to say what I feel" & now you have really toned things down as you've matured. I feel like H is the only person who thinks I do all these things. I have lots of friends, I run a very successful business where my clients become MY FRIENDS and give me lots of referrals. Sometimes I wonder if he is just projecting all his crap onto me???

Now I get myself back to the original title of thread when I start really thinking about all this! Why is he doing this???? Who in their right mind decides 14 years into a R that they were never able to act the way they wanted to, never said anything to their spouse about it & now holds their spouse responsible & spews off all this hatred making me feel like I am SATAN?

I am trying to think outside the box, but I need HELP!!!