Being an verbal / non-verbal abuser

[iwantittowork]

Thanks all,

For me, I was not so much a verbal abuser, but wound up non-verbally doing the same thing. I never called her names, or screamed at her, hit or ever would grab her. Silent treatments, sighing, always in a bad mood, not complimenting her etc. At the time, I couldn't see it, and I still have a tough time finding the line to what is right behavior and wrong.

Looking back, I understand it was wrong to do these and over time they just added up on her, but I had no other tools that I knew how to use to discuss how I felt when I was unhappy, etc.

Looking back, there are times when she manipulated me, even if not intentionally, and I didn't know how to respond. I always acquiesced to her over all the major and minor decisions in our life, concluding she is very strong willed and when she gets her mind made up, my thoughts and input had not validity. (Whether that is in mine own mind, or not is tough to determine at this point looking back...)

I am not saying this to accuse her of any wrongdoing, but I am trying to pinpoint in me what the triggers where, so I know where I need to work on and what I should be looking at in me to why I behaved this way. I have always thought of myself as a nice guy, and to not see what I was doing was a major downfall in our relationship.

I am committed to making those changes in me, and have been in counseling, going to group therapy soon, reading many books on the subjects, etc.

I am also surprised when talking to my counselor about this, I had been taking 100 percent of the blame for the downfall of the M, but he has pushed back on me a bit on that, saying that I can take the blame for those things that I did wrong, and work on those, but that there are still 2 people in the relationship, and that my actions are not 100 percent the reason for the impending D. Whether that is to try and help me boost my own self image, which has taken a major hit this past few years, or not, I am not clear on yet..