In Utter Agony...Long 1st Post

[eternaloptimist]

Hi 25 yrs MLC. Thank so much for all of your feedback. I need to read it over several more times to absorb all of your points. Overall, I do agree with just about everything you posted. I can take constructive criticism and I am capable of change. I really DO own my part in the breakdown of our marriage.

I think the problem here is that my H DOES NOT WANT to do anything to save this marriage. He's done. He doesn't want to put forth any effort. Why would he if he doesn't believe anything can change? I've asked him this question and he has said "because the past is the predictor of the future" when it comes to us. I'm trying not to lose hope, but today in MC I feel that I did. Our MC is not helping. Maybe we should stop going to see her?

Even if I sincerely do not bring up the EAs, to truly forgive him and not hold on to any of the hurt, it still seems like it won't make any difference or be enough for him to want to work on the marriage. I said in no uncertain terms today that I want to live in the same house, there's no pressure to work on the marriage, and have no conflict. He doesn't believe it. I guess b/c he still has conflict with me? I am so confused now.

You are right, I have glossed over my problems. But when talking to my H, I have apologized over and over and demonstrated over the past several years in words and deeds that I follow a budget and have not lied to him about money. I can't take back what I did, but HE is not capable of forgiving ME I guess. I think that is why he's been so angry for so long. He has not let go of his hurt.

As far as his grief, he put up walls to me and would not let me support him. I tried, but he just yelled and me and our son to the point that I felt I needed to withdraw too in order to protect our son.

It's so complicated that my head is literally spinning...