Its been another difficult day. I am getting a very late start and I just feel like I am starting a routine of very bad behavior. I went to bed at 1:30am and got up at 7:30am.......dreamt about H.....went back to bed and dozed on and off for the next 4 freaking hours. I cannot do this!!!!!!
I did end up finishing unpacking all my boxes....but, I had all day yesterday and I did not utilize the day. I need to be on a regular sleep-wake cycle.
I think I am afraid to start my life here...it seems like this permanant change without H..... from which I (we) will never return. I can no longer plan my day around him or his activities. That sounds pathetic! But, for some reason, this is difficult to face. I want to regress...I want to give in to my fears.....like H, I want to cop out! YIKES!
Of course, I will not do this....I have done this just for a day...I have caught myself early and I will NOT allow myself to slip.
I will NOT be defined by this one event (of H wanting a D) in my life.
I will continue to be the "Leading Lady" of my life. No Leading Lady would ever behave or think like this! I need to snap myself out of this funk. How will I do this? Let's set some goals for today.
1. I am going to organize my closet.
2. I will do 2 loads of laundry.
3. I will go out and look for a bed today
4. I will store away the extra luggage that I emptied last night.
5. I will spend a couple hours reading my novel.
6. I will throw away all the empty boxes that have accumulated near my front door.
7. I will go work out or do some sort of exercise today.
8. I will drink more water
9. I will paint my nails
10. I will be more conscious of smiling more today
Ok that should definately give me some direction for the day.
