I Love You But...

[eternaloptimist]

EA,

Assuming you married a man with at least SOME character and honor, he must have had to work pretty hard to get to a place in his head that justified his feelings towards his therapist. These are not going to go away so quickly. He has both physiological residue (PEAs/dopamine/"looove" chemicals) and emotional residue (resentment, entitlement) that he's going to have to deal with, and it's going to take a good MC -- preferably one with experience in dealing with infidelity -- to work thru it with you.

It's a catch-22 of piecing/reconciliation, unfortunately. You gotta "wanna" for it to have a chance to keep no-contact (w/OW) going, and you gotta keep no-contact with OW going in order for you to "wanna."

Just watch his moods. At this stage, "GOOD = BAD" and "BAD = GOOD."

Puppy

Thanks, Puppy.

Feeling so hopeless b/c we just got back from MC session that was a train wreck. Our MC is pushing us towards divorce. H still didn't want to talk about the therapist with our MC as part of the EA probably b/c he's still worried it might cost her her job. So that tells me he DOES NOT know she has already lost it. MC doesn't attempt to explore why H wants a divorce; she more or less just says I should respect his decision and not push for him to work on anything. He just feels that the marriage has come to an end. Period. Should we find a new MC?

I brought up the EA today and H just says they don't matter. He was unhappy BEFORE the EA, so it is a moot point. What am I not getting here? I feel like giving up. I feel like we are going round and round in a circle. He keeps saying how unhappy he is, never saying WHAT specifically has made him unhappy---he says it's just everything. We have always had conflict, blah, blah...

Now he doesn't know how we can live together for the next year. I'm adamant that we HAVE to for financial reasons. He doesn't see how it will work, but we have no choice. Arrrgh! I just want to scream today.