.....was there any discussion of what the separaton would accomplish....how long it would be.....any ground rules? Sorry....a bit new at this stuff.....
Just asked him if there was anything else and he said that was the main part and I said that I'm going to exercise and we ended convo.
That theme of overwhelmed-ness...that is really what did us in and with our lack of modeling and coping skills...I mean, there is more but we didn't know how to tackle it all as a team. I wish we could explore that further.
I always wondered if separation would highlight the fact that things were better together....even though problems persist....I get the sense that a sudden "loss" as it were of the other person would "loosen things up".....am I off base here? Thought's?
.....was there any discussion of what the separaton would accomplish....how long it would be.....any ground rules? Sorry....a bit new at this stuff.....
He sort of moved out over 5 months ago but just a duffle bag and him staying at friends' and traveling...just running away. At that point, he was "done." But, with an office here and our kids and our necessary contact, we blurred the lines, hung out, intimacy etc.
Now, we are talking about a legal separation and he knows little about it. What I take from it is that he just wants to feel "not married" anymore.
Maybe we should just divorce so that we can toss out that marriage and then see if we can start over...
As for details, honestly, I was too caught off guard. I did say the idea of legally separating or divorcing just so he can feel ok about scr*wing other women is sad to me...but, I plummeted fast and hard into R talk instead of keeping it cool. It was too loaded with the other women talk...I want to feel like they are separate issues.
I always wondered if separation would highlight the fact that things were better together....even though problems persist....I get the sense that a sudden "loss" as it were of the other person would "loosen things up".....am I off base here? Thought's?
Depends on the sitch and the background. Our home-life is/was fraught with debt and stress and chaos, kids, boxes from our last move etc. Lots of distance already between us. So, him going out on the town with famous people and getting his ego stroked could only feel better than this. It is like trying to compete with alcohol. I can't take the edge off of our life for him. We have to be able to look at it and tackle it a bit at a time. It is happening but only with D on the table compelling its necessity (it being dealing with our "problems").
I see.....not sure where to go from here. Seems like if he wants to be with another woman then that is is both problematic and an opportunity......can you be that other woman?......I ask because I have considered separation......but I want desperately to be with the woman I married.....shes not on that page (at all)....so this is a reversal.......of sorts.....how to get him to want you is the question......wish I could shed some light on that.....I have half the equation but can't seem to crack the code to the other half......assuming you want him vs letting him go to someone else..........what needs to happen for him to want you.......seems to be the issue.
Thanks....it kinda comes and goes......I had responded to the separation idea because I wondered if it solved anything....I assumed...maybe incorrectly that it would underscore the positive aspects of "being present - and - available" vs a void....could be in for a big fall there!!!! bit of ego showing there....but hopeful ego!!!!!
Well, in my situation, I really have to watch that whole making him want me thing. He wanted me sexually, we ML many times and that wasn't enough. I can't compete with young, rich, successful women. I'm not even going to try. I have gotten in great shape and have exhibited that I am a loving, intelligent, loyal and capable woman. But, my sitch is a bit different in the extreme polarity of what our life together offers vs. his rock-n-roll life.
The wild card is that we are his family, that I am his wife...I can't make it enough for him. He is either going to get it or not.
Funny, post sep, he wanted me sexually and to hang out and be friends, and to have family time...it is called cake-eating, he wants everything.
