EO, have you read any books on affairs yet? "NOT Just Friends" is a very good one, and is considered the definitive work on emotional affairs. I think if you'd study infidelity a little more, you'd see where your husband is merely playing out the role, and that ALL of this is "normal." It doesn't EXCUSE it, mind you, but most people find some comfort in knowing it's playing out according to "script."
Yes, I think you should bring up his EA in counseling. Unless and until he's willing to deal with it, to help YOU rebuild your level of trust of him, reconciliation will be near-impossible.
My guess is that the EA has either been driven deep underground (new g-mail account, "affair cellphone", etc.), or they've both agreed to "cool it for awhile" (likely), or -- he's genuinely trying to go "cold turkey" (although I think this is for HER, and not for YOU, I'm sorry to say...I think he realizes how close he was to getting her fired and worse, and he's trying to "save" her perhaps). Without his complete and voluntary transparency with you, you'll never know which one it is, and you won't be able to get past it.
My advice would be to continue to work on YOU -- do your 180s, and don't get "needy/grabby" with him. "Act as if" the EA is still going on, and proceed with your own self-improvements and goals. Then, bring it (the EA) up in MC, and see if the counselor can help you both with it.
Puppy
Great post. EA- Puppy lived through an affair that his wife had- and I had one so I can tell you he's spouting the same wayward crap they all say.
It's funny- at the time you think what you're saying is original- but in reality- most cheaters say the same thing.
I want you to operate from a standpoint of the truth- and honestly, you're not getting it. I say do whatever you can- snooping- PI or whatever to get to the truth. Then you can make an informed decision about whether or not you want to work on the marriage.
