(((Ali))) What you said about expectations etc reminded me of something you said on your post about it coming across that way as we post on here about that particular situation in our lives so it amplifies it. I don't have expectations. I guess the thing for me is I had every intention of doing it myself however he offered on three separate occasions to help me with anything to do with the move. When he said he had access to a van he offered to move my stuff for me. It was on the third occasion I said yes. Jody said he needs to do this to feel less like a shmuck in the hand he has dealt me and relieves his guilt. Now I feel confused as to whether he even remembers that conversation/ conversations?
I don't hold stuff over him, I'll admit it bothers me he is booked up but really he can do what the hell he likes, it isn't my concern anymore. That is my general attitude. People would say I am a very strong, independent woman. I single-handedly run a charity and have done since the age of 26, this is one of the things H admires about me (and I can still use the present tense for this) and I allowed him to help me not the other way around.
I do frame h as a friend who has moved on, however I aspire to more, to move onto the next stage.
With regards to lunch if he did cancel me I would rejoice that at least I'd got an answer or response that firms up some plans. That isn't the issue. It is the non-response and then waiting till the very last minute to let me know he can't do something. If he cancelled those are probably the very words I would say.
The text wasn't refering to this weekend. He is playing at the races. It is next weekend he wants to move his stuff.
As to letting go... For the next month or so we are entangled in this house no matter what my feelings/ hopes or aspirations for him are. I want to handle whatever comes my way in the best, most solution-based way possible. If it improves the h situation then great, if it stays the same, fine, if it gets worse, well then I tried my best. I haven't mentioned my long term goals in my thread above, this is dealing with the here and now. As you said there is no magic off switch, for me anyway. I'm getting through this process the only way I can. I seem to remember people saying that stuff to you and you being mightily offended by it and finding it unhelpful. Look how your sitch has turned out? I really don't see what age has to do with it. He is my husband regardless of age, why would my commitment be different if I was 38 not 28. This process is a personal thing and we each give it the length of time we need.
You are right in saying that I shouldn't have relied on him, however he gave me every reason to. I will have to rope in friends and family to do it if necessary.
