If it were me, and there were no kids involved????
... I'd kick her to the curb and pack her stuff and leave it on the porch.
I second this. Except she already took her stuff, so that saves you the packing.
Things were working...she was trying to contact you...but then you retracted it all. Are you upset or not about her text-fest with an OM that she already was with? I'd have told her straight out what the problem was, and told her you aren't sharing. People that are guilty of something usually try to turn the tables by making you look like the ogre (ie "you're bigger than this"). Well, it isn't being small to have a boundary that you expect your wife to be faithful to you. I would go more dark. Go back to not talking to her unless she's the one that contacts you. If you get the opening, I'd tell her that you know about OM and then get off the phone. Let her stew with that and draw her own conclusions.
She probably stopped contacting you about the time she started trying to re-start something with OM.
She doesn't sound like a great catch at the moment. You can afford to hold out for nothing but all of her. And work on getting yourself independent. Get to the point you realize you'll be fine without her and you'll be in a better position to make a better relationship.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
